#a few times though and she has been worse than fucking useless

[bitegore]

Hi. I just got some very bad news. Consider reblogging my art or giving me tips on kofi or something, I don't even know.

[pinks-wizards]

One day I'll share with the class

i need everyone that has a wizard101 oc to tell me about them in the notes. like now. im so infatuated give me every thought

[measuredingold]

my soul is useless without you

author's note: part two to i'd walk through hell for you is finally here ! i'm not sure if i want to do a third part, but we’ll see lol but i'm currently working on something for folio 👀 as always, i hope you enjoy and feedback is appreciated ! also, if yall have any requests, send them my way :) i'm in the mood to write but inspiration is running thin lol

pairing: noah sebastian x reader

divider: @saradika-graphics

word count: 3.5k

cross posted on ao3 / part one

cw/tw: angst, hurt/comfort, Noah Sebastian Is Bad At Feelings But A Good Friend, reader is going through it, anxiety, hints/mentions of depression, noah is just a good guy and cares about reader a lot ( more than he realizes ), friends to lovers pining lol, 18+ minors do not interact

It's when Jolly asks Noah in-between takes if he'd heard from you recently that the anxiety finally settles in.

Because he doesn't know the last time he's heard from you. Which isn't normal.

He's a bad texter, notorious for looking at messages and making a note to reply to them later or replying in his mind, but he always makes sure to reply to you whenever the two of you aren't together. It's just always been a thing, to always have some form of communication with you when he wasn't over at yours or if you weren't at his, so it panics him when he can't remember the last time he'd spoken to you.

He goes through your messages and finds that it wasn't him this time who didn't respond, but instead it was you. Relief washes over him briefly, the guilt of forgetting to respond to his best friend vanishing, but then that anxiety comes back full force. 

You didn't respond.

You always responded.

He sends off a quick message to you, apologizing for being in studio mode and not leaving the house and asks if you're alright. He waits. They go through another take, he somehow doesn't fuck it up even though his mind isn't all the way there. You still haven't responded by the fifth take and that's when he starts to feel sick, stomach twisting with the worry of what could be wrong. 

He tries to think back to if you've ever gone this long without speaking and he can't think of a time when that has happened. 

"Earth to Noah." Jolly's voice pulls him away from his thoughts.

"Oh. Uh, sorry." 

"All good, man." His bandmate eyes him for a second before his eyes flicker towards his phone. "She respond?"

"Um. No." His brows furrowed as he stared at his phone, the black screen mocking him. "Kind of worried."

"Yeah... I am, too." Jolly murmurs. He clicks around on the screen a few times before twisting his chair around to fully face Noah, arms crossing over his chest. "You should go over there. Check and make sure she's alright."

Noah raises a brow at him. "We're in the middle of recording?"

"And?" Jolly shrugs, waving him off. "We got a lot done today, we can wrap it up. Something's obviously wrong and she might need you. That's more important than some song."

He blinks at his friend, letting his words settle in. Jolly's right, he thinks. You are more important than whatever song they're working on. That confirmation makes him feel funny, something tightening beneath his chest but he ignores it, nodding slowly. 

"Okay. You wanna come?"

Jolly shakes his head. "Nah. The both of us might be overwhelming. If you do need me then call, if not..." He shrugs again before lifting himself up out of his chair, groaning softly to himself, "...might be best for just you to go. She'd probably feel better if it's just you, anyways. You know how she is."

Noah isn't quite sure what he means, but nods along anyways. He checks his phone again and still no text, but he notices that you read the message. He should feel relieved at the sign of life but it only makes his anxiety worse, stomach twisting violently. 

"Okay. I'll text you when I get there." 

He's practically running out of the studio after that, the only thing on his mind was you. He needed to make sure you were okay. Deep down he knew that if this was him, you would've already been here, and he feels guilty all over again. He should've paid more attention, shouldn't have let this slip his mind so easily. He thinks back to your last messages together and how you were talking about your work day, overwhelmed and quite frankly, upset about it all. He should've paid closer attention.

He makes it to yours in record time, legs moving him to the door before he can even think about it. He sends up a quiet prayer to the universe that you had given him an extra key months ago and uses it to unlock the door, slowly pushing it open.

He calls out your name, but no answer.

His eyes sweep over your apartment as he enters, scanning the open space. Your kitchen looked untouched, minus the few dirty dishes that were in your sink. A few boxes of Chinese take-out and some bottles of water. He feels almost relieved. You'd been eating and as far as he can tell you'd been keeping yourself somewhat hydrated, so that was a plus. He knows how bad you can be when you get into this headspace - brain fog, forgetting to do basic things like eating and drinking water. But this... this is a step in the right direction.

His eyes move towards the living room and it's just about the same. A pile of blankets lay together at one end of the couch, pillows scattered along the length of the cushions. You'd been there quite a bit, he can tell, but other than that nothing was too bad.

Noah feels like he can breathe for just a second, eyes going straight to the cracked open door to your bedroom. He hears the faint hum of your television and hears the muffled voice of your favorite characters in your favorite comfort show. His chest tightens. You only ever watch it when things get bad inside your head, when things start to become too overwhelming and you need to cling onto something that you know. Something that won't throw any surprises at you and make things worse. 

He makes his way towards your room, ready to call out your name again as he pushes open your door but stops halfway. You're curled up in your bed, covered in a pile of blankets. He steps closer to get a better look at you and he doesn't think he's ever seen you look so peaceful. Lashes against the tops of your cheeks, lips parted. The crease between your brows is relaxed, which never happens. 

Noah takes a deep breath.

You're alright. He can see that you're safe and sound, at least for now, and that's enough for him. He shuts your door behind him and makes his way back into the main room, taking his shoes off by the door. He takes another deep breath to center himself as he looks around your space, hand finding its way to his hair. 

He decides he'll clean up your kitchen and living room. It isn't too bad, and it won't take him too long. He also just... doesn't want to leave yet. He'll wait until you wake up. Make you talk to him, ask what’s up. Probably make you eat something. Then he'll head home. 

Sounds like a good plan to him.

Even though your door is shut he still tries to be quiet, making sure to carefully wash and put away your dishes without making too much of a fuss. After the dishes, he throws away all the take-out boxes and water bottles. He even makes a note to take the trash out for you when he's all done, because he knows you would've done it for him. 

The constant reminder of you and knowing that you'd do something like this for him, and have, is the motivation he needs to continue. It makes him feel warm all over and he thinks how lucky he is to have someone like you as his best friend.

And he definitely ignores the bitter taste in his mouth at the word best friend. 

It's maybe an hour after he's finished, curled up on your couch that now has its pillows in place, and the pile of blankets are neatly folded and put away, that you finally emerge from your room. You rub the sleep out of your eyes, not noticing him on the couch at first, but when you do you make a noise of surprise that has Noah laughing.

"Hey."

He notices the slight flush of your cheeks but ignores it. "Hi?"

"I uh," He scratches the back of his neck, sending you a sheepish smile. "Hadn't talked to you in a few days. Got worried. So did Jolly. Told me to come over. Check on you. You were sleeping so I just," He throws his arms around, gesturing to the space around him, "cleaned up a little? Figured you would appreciate a clean house when you woke up so..." 

He's talking too much, he knows it, but he can't seem to stop the word vomit from coming out. Noah knows you wouldn't mind, but he was nervous, especially because all you do is stare at him without saying a word. Stare and stare and stare until you sniff, brows furrowing.

"...Thanks."

You're unusually quiet and it makes his stomach turn again. You sniff again and Noah swears you look like you're on the verge of tears, and he sits up on the couch. He watches you closely as you wring your hands together in front of you, mouth opening and closing as if you want to say something. You don't, and Noah catches the exact moment when your bottom lip trembles, and he's moving before he can even think about it.

"Hey. It's okay. You’re okay."

He tries to keep his voice soft and free of any panic, but his heart is beating so rapidly against his chest he swears you can hear it. You sniff again, head shaking as your lip continues to tremble and he does the only thing he can think of. He pulls you into his arms and presses you into his chest. You don't move for a second, but eventually your arms circle around his waist. You squeeze, tight, but he doesn't mind. He just squeezes you back. 

Your body begins to shake as the cries start to rack through you, the sound muffled by the fabric of his shirt. Noah swallows down the lump that was beginning to form, cheek resting on the top of your head. He's always hated when you cry. He himself wasn’t one for much display of emotions, but when it came to the people he cared about, he hated seeing them anything but happy. 

Especially you.

He's seen you cry a few times. Well, more than a few times. Sometimes it was over nothing, and then sometimes it was over an incredibly cute dog you'd seen scrolling on Twitter. He didn't mind those, but when it was over something serious, he fucking hated that. He never wanted you to be anything but happy, and whenever you weren’t, it’s like a piece of him breaks. 

“What’s wrong?” He whispers into your hair, trying to pull you even closer to him.

“Everything.” You eventually mumble against his chest, sucking in a deep breath as you try to control your tears. “Fucking everything is wrong.” 

He fucking hates the way that answer makes him feel. His chest feels like it's on fire, and he swears his heart just fucking broke at how sad you sounded, voice muffled by his shirt. He squeezes you to his chest again.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

He wants you to talk about it, to tell him what's wrong so he can make it better. Noah knows it'll probably be damn near impossible to even do that, but god, he'd try absolutely anything to make your tears stop. You take a long moment to respond, trying to control your breathing, before you eventually shake your head against his chest.

"Not right now." 

"Okay.” He mumbles, raising a hand to smooth down your hair. “That's okay, we don't have to."

"Thank you."

You stay like that for a moment, in the middle of your living room. Noah doesn't plan on letting go any time soon, thinking for a split second that he wished he could keep you in his arms forever. If you were there, he'd always know if you were okay. The thought fades before he could think too hard about it when you finally pull away from him, and Noah catches sight of your slight red and blotchy face. He frowns.

He doesn't remember the last time he's ever seen you so sad. So defeated. Whatever was going on really pained you, and he wishes you'd just tell him so he can fix it. Another passing, fleeting thought, but he thinks he'd do just about anything right now to see you smile again. 

"Have you eaten?" He breaks the silence between the two of you, not waiting to hear whatever you were planning on saying.

You blink up at him. "Um... no. Not since this morning. Had some fruit and coffee." 

"I figured." He guides you towards the couch, practically pushing you onto it. You snort when he grabs a throw blanket and dumps it onto you. "Pick something to watch." 

It's not a question, but more of a command, and Noah ignores the way his chest flutters at the small smile you give him. He turned away from you, pushing whatever feeling was brewing inside of him so far down and got his brain to focus. Food. You need food. To be honest, so does he. He’d been so worried about you for the last few hours that he didn’t even think of getting something to eat. 

It takes him a few minutes of rummaging around your kitchen to settle on making something easy - instant ramen. He’s surprised you hadn't eaten it all in the week you’ve been off-grid, but thankful nonetheless. Noah's way too impatient to wait any longer to actually cook something, especially knowing you hadn't eaten anything since this morning. Every so often he looked over his shoulder to watch you, wishing you'd say something, but would find you either staring blankly at the television or your phone.

A bitter taste settles in the back of his throat every time he turns back around to the stove. He hated this, and he fucking hated that he couldn't do a goddamn thing about it.

He brings your bowl to you once he's finished, already making a mental note to clean up the mess he had made while cooking. You blink up at him and reach for it, giving him a quiet, "Thank you."

Noah doesn't verbally say anything, just hums out a response as he ventures back into the kitchen to grab you something to drink. When he comes back he notices you had slowly begun to eat, and he feels his shoulders finally relax. Just knowing you ate something eases him, the tension in his body leaving him completely. You're already reaching out for the glass of water in his hand that he happily hands off to you, giving you a gentle smile.

"Need anything else?"

You shake your head, peering up at him. "No. Just want you to come sit with me." 

That same fluttery feeling beneath his chest returns and he wishes he could ignore it again, but it doesn't go away. No, it stays perched underneath his chest, as if it's decided that it's making a home there and never leaving. He doesn't say anything, just nods at your request before grabbing his own bowl and a Pepsi you had in the fridge before making his way back to you.

You wait until he's settled on the couch to scoot closer to him, legs pressed flushed together. You're already halfway through your ramen and for a split second he forgets that weird feeling in his chest, instead focusing on the intense pride filling him. He was able to get you to eat, he was able to help out in some way. Knowing you were alright for the most part and it was from his doing made him feel good.

The both of you eat in silence as whatever show you decided to put on plays in the background. He’s just now realized it was The Office, and he huffs out a small laugh at something Michael Scott said. Another one of your comfort shows, something easy. 

It isn't until you both are finished with your food and Noah's back in the kitchen cleaning up that you finally speak. He doesn't hear you come up behind him, focused on washing the dishes and making sure everything's clean and good to go, so he can't help but jump when he feels your arms slip around his waist and squeeze.

"Shit." He swears, followed by a breathy chuckle. "You scared me."

You don't say anything to that, just squeeze him harder and he feels you press your face against his back. Then ever so softly, he picks up the faintest, "Thank you," muffled against his back. His face flushes, eyes casting down to the soapy water his hands were currently submerged in. He's glad you can't see the blush on his cheeks, and he fucking hopes you can't hear the way his heart is pounding beneath his chest. Can probably feel it, though, and that makes his face burn even more. 

"For what?" He manages to mumble out, resuming his efforts. Your arms squeeze his waist again.

"For being here." You sound so small. "You don't have to be, but you are, and I can't thank you enough for that."

"You'd do it for me." His response comes easily, voice nonchalant because it's true. He knows you'd do the same for him, and the thought has his stomach flipping every which way. "And have done it for me. It's the least I can do."

You're silent after that but don't part from him, and Noah can't help the smile that spreads across his lips at the feeling of you rubbing your face against him. It makes him feel warm all over, and that damned fluttery feeling in his chest is back yet again. You stay like that until he's finished with the dishes, moving with him as he shuffles to the side to dry them off. You don't pick your head up even when he manages to turn in your arms, finally facing you. 

Noah's arms wrap around you, pulling you closer to him and now you can rub your face against his chest. He laughs softly, pressing his cheek against the top of your head.

"Still don't wanna talk about it?" He knows he's pressing but he can't help it, a part of him still needs to know what's wrong and how he can fix this for you.

You shake your head. "Not yet. Tomorrow, okay? I just... don't wanna think about it tonight."

"Okay." He thinks he can handle that. 

"Thank you." You say again and finally lift your head up from his chest, blinking up at him. There's still a sadness there, roaming around behind your eyes, but not as prevalent as it was earlier. He’s at least done something right. "I'm really fucking lucky to have you, you know that, right?"

The way you're looking up at him is overwhelming, Noah's throat tightening at the softness surrounding your tired eyes. You smile at him and this time it reaches your gaze, not faked but real, and his heart slams against his chest. A thought passes his mind again, something he hasn't thought of in years, and he pushes it back with a hard swallow.

"You're just saying that because you didn't have to do the dishes."

You roll your eyes but that smile never drops from your lips, and Noah thinks he'd like to keep you smiling like that for the rest of his life. 

"Shut up. I'm being serious." You're giggling now, eyes crinkling and he catches a glimpse of the real you for the first time in hours - probably days, weeks even. 

"So am I." Noah yelps when you pinch his side, your laughter growing louder. "Hey!"

"I'm trying to be nice here, asshole. You can at least try, too."

He softens at that, eyes meeting yours. He's well aware his face is on fire right now, cheeks pink.

"You already know I'm lucky to have you. Didn't realize I had to say it."

Even if he doesn't say it often, he is very lucky. So incredibly lucky to have you in his life, for sticking by him and for understanding him. For always being patient with him. Jolly reminds him occasionally how lucky he is to have you, how all of them are lucky to have someone like you in their lives. He doesn't know what the fuck he or anyone did to be so deserving of you, but dammit, he's fucking thankful for it everyday. 

You don't say anything, just continue to beam up at him and Noah can't seem to stop himself, tilting his head down to brush his lips against your forehead. He feels you press further into his chest, if it was even possible, and practically melt in his arms. 

He wishes he could keep you here forever, tucked away in his arms. He thinks there isn't much he wouldn't do to keep you safe, to make sure you were okay, and that thought alone scares him. He'd never admit it, at least not out loud, and he tucks that thought away for another time. Or to possibly be never thought of again, he doesn't know. He doesn't really care.

No, all he cares about right now is that you're okay, at least for now, and that you're nestled against his chest like it's the only place you want to be. 

And that's enough for him. 

[senawashere]

We're on this together. (Chapter I)

Bradley Bradshaw × Fem!Wife!Reader

Summary: Nobody warned you for how hard it is to become a mother,same for Bradley.

TW: infertility,mentions of miscarrige,mentions of hospital,mentions of getting pregnant,mentiones of ivf. Mostly angst.

Tears were streaming down your face,your hands were trembling. Searching for Bradley's number in your contact list has never been this difficult.

Your fingers slid across parts of the screen you didn't want to touch, making your frustration even worse.

The phone line rang at a deafening volume. Once, twice, three times until it goes to voicemail.

His stupid voicemail.

"Hi,its me Bradley. Please drop your message!"

Taking this as a sign, you chose not to try again.

After all, talking to Bradley about it right now would only make him worry for nothing, considering he was busy on deployment and miles away from you. He was about to return this week.

It wasn't something he could solve. Maybe it was but not right now.

Within a few minutes your phone rang. As his name popped up on the screen, a heart emoji next to it and his photo of him grinning stupidly, you felt terrible for doing this to him.

Not only did you let down your own dreams, you were about to let down his too.

You replied, remaining silent. You expected your voice to sound like a lump in your throat.

"Baby, are you there? I couldn't get to the phone in time at first."

You were motionless, your lack of words showed him that. "I'm fine", giving yourself some time, you suddenly started to feel everything you didn't feel until you got home.

"I was at the doctor's today."

"Why are you talking like it's the end of the world? Are you okay?"

Throughout his breathing, it was easy to imagine him even stopping whatever he was doing to pay better attention to you; Not because it wasn't there before. You should have called Penny or someone, they would know how to take care of you.

"Wait, is it about babies? Tell me you're joking," he finished with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. You could imagine and hear it perfectly.

In the past, when you received good news, you would pretend that something bad was coming, now it's just another thing you regret doing.

You were selfish for talking to him, he was so far away; You could talk to him about it when he got home.

Talking and doing this and that now would cause him more anxiety than he ever had in his hectic daily tour life. Still, he was the only one you needed.

"No, quite the opposite."

The call suffered a long pause, filled with his deep sighs and persistent tears streaming down his cheeks.

You didn't let a single tear fall until you got home, but did you verbalize it? Putting it into words made things different; it felt more real.

"Fuck," he mumbled, clearly a little out of place.

“I can't have kids, Bradley,” your words were interrupted by the growl you were trying to hold back.

He could tell when you were talking to him that everything hit you at once. Over the years, he was able to recognize even small details.

''I'm the reason we tried and it never worked. I cursed it."

"No, baby," he took a deep breath. "Please don't blame yourself. You know it's not your fault." You ran your fingers desperately through your hair; This is what it must be like to feel useless on the phone. Just what you imagined before you made the call. It was bad to announce this to him. "Are you alone? I can ask someone to check on you. They’ll do that, okay?

“Please,” You didn't want to spend the rest of the day by yourself. Also, even though you didn't want to talk to anyone but Bradley, you knew Penny would understand you better, she knew how to make you feel less bad, it would be nice to be around her. And once she mentioned she went through something like that so maybe she would understand you.

Being alone with your harsh thoughts will not be a good option anyway. "I thought about calling her, but I finally gave up, I didn't know what to do, I still don't. Calling you still doesn't seem like a good idea, but I didn't know what to do."

Your weak voice was killing Bradley. If it made him sad to hear that, he couldn't imagine what it was like for you.

"You did great, baby, this is a tough situation but we're on this journey together. You can ask for anything baby, remember?" He smiled, a muffled smile came over the line; It made you feel a little better.

"We can still have children, you know that."

You wanted to tell him that what works for others may not work for you, that your condition may not be that malleable because your condition is genetic. Still, you didn't know if they were true or not, all your thoughts might just be the result of your momentary frustration, but they might also be true.

You need to talk to Bradley about this, everything that's going on in his mind. You didn't want to do this over the phone anymore.

“We can try,” you sniffled, still avoiding the tears you didn't even know were falling. "We can try." You repeated, trying to convince yourself.

"Talk to me, baby. Try to distract yourself a bit, huh? Please. Do you want me to turn the call off? Maybe you can take a long bath with your favorite bubbles or eat something different. That might help."

Even though it sounded wrong, his desperation to help you was adorable. Talking to him made everything perfect, his voice was soothing, you could hear him talking for hours. Now it was no different.

“I just want to hear your voice,” you said, lying on the cold floor of the main room. It would be nice to sleep. It seemed reasonable to forget the previous hours for a few minutes. "You are busy?"

"Not exactly."

"Then tell me how the mission went."

His voice sounded flatter and softer, you could imagine how uneasy he was even from the phone, it was possible to imagine him striding around the room with the phone in his hand. He talked about the mission details the night before. The contrast of how you described your previous day with what happened at the right moment was painful, happy and suddenly you were breaking it.

Everyone knew that Bradley dreamed of having kids, that kids were running around the house and so were you, you wanted to have kids with him even more but with you he would never have one.

"Can I say something?" You asked, taking a deep breath,cutting through his words. "I love you,I love you so much."

Everything was unfair, you both tried so hard. He, too, had become weak from trying, just like you.

"I love you too, baby. This," you could see him in your mind, pausing and gesturing with his hands, "this won't change anything,okay? I still love you so much as the day i fell in love with you."

"We are on this journey together."

"We are on this journey together.”

—-----

Your body trembled.

A cold hand was wandering around your waist as you slowly opened your eyes, feeling a ridiculous headache fill your vision. Your eyes found Bradley crouched on the ground in front of you, and he looked good compared to you. His eye bags were not purple from the 4 hour sleep he was getting,or his hair wasn't messy after the cold,rainy and windy weather out there.

"What are you doing here?" You frowned. Bradley chuckled as you laid your head down once the headache made you feel like you were going to throw up. He could answer your question but you were flattered, he wouldn't think you noticed he was there because he knew you needed him.

So he ignored it, helping you get up.

"Come on, get up. It's cold on the floor, I'll put you to bed." He tried to get you to stand up for him - he failed; but you shifted your weight onto his body, wrapping your arms around his neck, which he found worriedly cute.

“I need you,” you whispered, drunk and sleepy, burying your face in his coat. Let its scent warm you. He smelled amazing.

It was a relief to hear him say that. He didn't want to get into an argument about how it would affect his job in the near future, as you had fought before for the same reason. "I know my baby." He kissed your hair, hugged your waist, and carried you to your room. “She wants to lay down with me.”

He laid you down on the bed, doing the same as he lay on your side, face up and facing the white ceiling.

They both knew it was necessary to speak, but neither knew who should speak first or what they should speak about.

You ran your fingers over his stomach, placing your palm under his shirt, warming his cold hand with your body. You moved closer to his body, nestling into his side as he wrapped his arm around you.

"Tell me, what's on your mind?" He said without looking directly at you.

"There's a lot", your mere words made his throat dry. “It's weird knowing your body can't do what it's supposed to do, especially when you want it to,” you gasped through sobs, his grip pulling you closer to his chest for comfort. "I'm afraid you'll stay with me and a few years from now you'll realize you made the wrong choice." These words hurt him. It hurt him so much to see you blaming yourself.

He hugged you even tighter and asked you to look at him. "I'm not going to leave you, okay? I'm in love with you. That won't change, and it's not your fault. We can try IVF as if it will work, and it's worked for a few people, and we'll have a happy and healthy baby. We have the money for it. If the money I make as a pilot isn't enough, i can even find a part-time job. I can enter just for you, I'm married to you and I love you so much, why should I leave you?"

There were tears in your eyes and you hoped he was right. "What if it doesn't work? If my body miscarries? If we try and never succeed? I don't know if I'm ready to try again-"

Before you finished your sentence, he grabbed your cheek and gave you a messy kiss. He was far from okay, he was desperate, you didn't know how to decipher whether he was trying to silence you or show his emotions. The salty taste of your tears accompanied by the burning in his throat didn't help at all.

You put your hand on his chest and stop him. He was in distress, he probably wanted to stop you with a waterfall of negative thoughts but he didn't know how.

“I don't want to try, I just don't know what to do yet, and it's killing me right now.” You were complaining.

He kissed your forehead and let you lie down.

"We will find a way. It's still new, we can think better or find other ways. Adoption is also a good option, but of course if everything happens at the right time."

You stayed silent for a while, imagining a parallel where Bradley was right and things worked out. Although you were still not convinced by this, you agreed with him. After all, there would be no other way, and you still wanted to have children.

“Adoption sounds good,” you mumbled against his chest. You hadn't thought about it yet, it hadn't even crossed your mind. “There is no risk and there is no way we can go wrong.”

You felt relieved that he was there for you, guiding you to feel better about this.

"You see?" he asked with what looked like a weak smile. "We'll find a way because I don't plan on having kids with anyone but you, so it has to be with you. Whether you like it or not." He joked, drawing a smile from you as he touched your nose with a wet kiss.

It was incredible how he managed to make even the most difficult moments seem lighter.

"Good, because I still want to have your stupid kids.”

I'm tagging people who might be interested:@ohtobeleah @sebsxphia @callsigns-haze @sorchathered @greenorangevioletgrass @teacupsandtopgun @roosterforme @floydsglasses @lyn-js @bradshawssugarbaby @torchflies @its-dee-lovely @its-the-pilot @friedchips94 @bradshawsbaby @hardballoonlove @perfectprettypisces @topguncortez @hangmanapologist @bradshawsbaddie @shanimallina87 @djs8891 @themusingofagothicsoul @promisingyounglady @the-romanian-is-bae @mamachasesmayhem @jessicab1991 @iefitzgerald-blog @charcole-grey @waterriseslew @desert-fern @promisingyounglady @lewmagoo and if you are not comfortable please tell me!!

REBLOGS,LIKES AND COMMENTS ARE HIGLY APPERICATED🤍🤍🤍

[the-hawthorns-ocs]

Soothsayer Spindle'stare

MY ABSOLUTE FAVE OC EVER! MY SKRUNKLY!!!!

Character Bio:

Kinship: The Hawthorns

Queer (loves wife <3); what's a gender? (agender); it/she

Age: 3 cycles, 11 moons; ~31 Hyrs

Voice Headcanon: Entrapta - She-Ra - And The Princesses of Power (but like if she smoked a pack-o-sigs a day???)

Title meaning: -stare = uhh stares, like a lot, its weird, does it blink???; Soothsayer specific -> this cat can see into your soul and across the vail of death and see what your future holds

Role: Soothsayer

Mother: River'riddle

Father: Monarch Bat'flight

Siblings: Monarch Light'fall

Mate: Worm'soil

Other notable kin: Heir Night (nephew)

Extra Notes: her name was originally Garlicnose but after a series of polls I have decided on Spindle'stare as it's new name! Hooray!

Character Summary:

this ones long bec she's my blorbo, sorry not sorry :P

Soothsayers are born absolute weirdos, that's actually how a Kinship can tell that a cat is probably a Soothsayer. They are all not entirely there, because they walk the line between the living and the dead, this gives them the gift of foresight into the future and the ability to commune with the dead, but it also makes them distant, odd, they act like their minds are often in a whole other plane from regular cats.

In Spindle'stare's case, its just really kooky, an absolute creature. Though she is also very traumatized, which is kinda a given for Soothsayers... but it's even worse for her. As a kit her connection to the Stars was almost entirely cut off, and was instead taken over by the Dark Maw... The Maw wanted control over the Hawthorns, and becoming their future Soothsayer's spiritual source was one of the best ways to do this.

Deep deep down I think that Spindle knows there is something off about her spiritual connection, but she doesn't really process this at all. She pretty much believes that she has a normal connection and is totally talking to the Stars and not the Dark Maw. Sometimes she gets a random breakthrough connection to the Stars and is bombarded by so many messages and warnings from the ancestors she is pretty much unable to process it and just becomes even more confused and overwhelmed, acting even more strange than normal.

As a result of the Dark Maw's hold on Spindle, the Soothsayer has not been able to aid the kinship in ways it should be able to. During Spindle's training and apprenticeship the Kinship went through a horrible illness that killed many many cats, everyone questioned why Spindle was unable to receive prophecies foretelling these deaths, or guiding them to a cure... Spindle was simply helpless and useless in a time what the kinship needed a spiritual guide the most... This event has left the Kinship not all too trusting of Spindle's guidance, and has left Spindle lost and confused as to why the Stars do not with to help her.

Though Spindle seems like an old kooky lady she is actually only around 4 cycles old aka. in her early 30s in human years. Spindle was littermates with Monarch Light'fall, they were extremally close, and Light was often the only one who could keep her stable, in the present, and more herself. Spindle was devastated at Light'fall's death and she fell deeper into the spiritual plane as a result, only Spinde'stare's mate Worm'soil is able to bring Spindle into clarity these days, and it is far more difficult to do so.

Spindle spends much of it's time with her mate Worm'soil, they are one of the few cats who are not creeped out by her, they understand her and love it deeply despite it's strangeness. They were childhood friends, and grew even closer during the era of illness in their youth... both of them bonded over the extreme pressure on them at the time, Spindle with the expectation of life saving prophecies and omens, and Worm with the health of the Kinship as a Healer apprentice.

The two of them are now two fucked up middle aged women(ish) who are just trying to survive their high stress roles in their very problematic kinship... They can often be found hanging out on their lonesome together, with Spindle buried in Worm's fluff <3

[mids-stupid-shit]

MK1 Nitara Rewritten

Maybe nsfw? Ah fuck it

I dislike MK1's Nitara, and if you're reading this, you probably do too. From her role in the story being kinda useless her design being boring as hell and Megan fucking Fox, she had big shoes to fill and her feet were just too small.

Please forget I ever said that

Point I'm trying to make is, Nitara in this game is probably the worst she's ever been in any MK media and I want to do her justice that Netherrealm Studios didn't.

Visual character design

When a character is shown on screen, the first thing people take notice of is their design. Nitara's original design was very edgy 2000s vampire lady vibes and I fuckin dig that. She was straight up a drag queen in Deadly Alliance to Armageddon

Nitara's design in MK1 is a complete and utter clusterfuck. What is this Purple dress with red accents? And don't get me started on the hair. She looks like a fucking onion or a dumpling, for crying out loud.

So instead of this complete dumpster fire, I propose a different take on her design, which could be more aligned with her original character, being a vampire and making a bit more sense with why she's working with Quan Chi.

This design I cooked up is not the greatest, and is heavenly inspired by the design that oni18064 made

The reason why I went with a pirate vampire (vampirate for short) aesthetic is because the second thing that caught my attention with Nitara in this game

Characterization

The way Nitara's written in this game is like she's a kid trying to act serious to a group of adults who try not to laugh. Her race of Vaeternian's (who may I add, deliberately made themselves into vampires) is dying out and she needs to kidnap inhabitants of other realms to breed with them. Not to eat them (maybe), but to have unconsentially fuck them to keep their race alive, and she wanted to start with Kung Lao of all people (woohoo, someone's otp mentioned!). She eventually encounters Quan Chi who does some black magic fuckery and makes her immune to sunlight and tricks her into working for him.

Other than the Quan Chi part being kinda cool, everything else a bit shit tho, innit?

How I would have done Nitara is similar to how they treated Ashrah in this game. Keeping elements of her original origin story while adding some extra elements. Nitara would have been sent to Outworld with her very own crew, provided by the vaeternus council to find a sacred jewel that could probably help Vaeternian's escape the shadows. She would sail off to Outworld, losing her crew one by one, each by worse and worse deaths. From being vaporized to eaten alive, she was the last of her crew to still live, and also found the jewel she was looking for. By the time she did find it though, her whole crew was dead. Some evaporated by the sun, some eaten alive by Tarkatans, and some just got stabbed and slashed to death by Ashrah and her kriss. It was later on a day where she met Quan Chi, who told her that he can help her escape the shadows and walk in the sun, only if she hands him the jewel. Nitara, with nothing left to lose, takes his hand and make her sunlight proof. Nitara and Quan Chi went from realm to realm to find the last few members of Quan Chi's ragtag jobbers from Ashrah's chapter and hilarity ensues.

Voice acting

We've all been there. We've all had our own rock bottom, and I think this game might be famous actress Megan Fox's rock bottom. I've seen a few movies Megan has been in, and she was pretty decent. What I interpret is either Megan didn't give a shit or NRS didn't give a shit and just told her to "read between the lines".

If I were to cast a voice for Nitara, it would either be Emma Thompson, who I personally know as captain Amelia from Treasure Planet

Or maybe even Erica Lindbeck, who was Cassie in MK11 and like a million other things

importance

Main story wise, Nitara will still be a side character, but she will be quite an important element in Ashrah's part of the story, seeing as these two had somewhat of an on-sight rivalry in the midway games. Nitara will still be helping Quan Chi and his jobber squad but she wouldn't instantly fight Ashrah... Once--

Okay but hear me out, Nitara would fight Ashrah once in the first fight (like vanilla MK1) and after that, she would use her blood magic to heal her wounds, she would fight instead of Quan Chi, who has escaped and Havik is now her kameo. As Ashrah's approaching Quan Chi to go in for the kill, she's kicked to the side by Nitara who says something like "I am not finished with you, you wannabe angel." After which they start fighting. Nitara gets a slight Power buff and gets beaten anyways. Later when she fights the linguine Lin Kuei along with the jobber squad. After that, she becomes completely useless to the plot of the main story AND Khaos Reigns.

Arcade mode ending

Nitara's ending would probably consist of her returning to Vaeternus empty-handed, making her employers furious, much like in her actual ending. But only the first half.

"That trip to Earthrealm was a complete disaster. My whole team is dead, I was bested three times and worst of all, I lost the gem I needed for my employers. Once I returned, they were pissed, to say the least. Not only throwing me in jail, but after that promoted me to death row. Not long after, when my day has come, I broke out, only to see hundreds of dead Vaeternians in the streets, and once I inspected the bodies and was shocked to see the same kind of slash marks I had when I fought... Her. That demoness is killing my kind for her own damned salvation. And what now? I do what I can to kill that Ashrah, even if it means playing both sides of the war."

I mean, if you're gonna make Ashrah the same she's been in every instalment she's been in but add new shit to make her less outdated, you might as well do the same for Nitara, her nemesis, her rival. Since every character in this game has a reason for what they're doing, like how Reiko and Shao tame Onaga because they're tired of jobbing to everyone or how Kuai Liang Scorpion started the Shirai Ryu because he has a crush on Harumi (now that I say it out loud it's kinda dumb but you can't have a good game without a little dumbassery).

Conclusion

In conclusion, Nitara is a character who has the base of something great but is wasted on this game's mid writing. Hope this helps any sad and desperate Nitara fans. Your welcome and have this as your free therapy session.

Tl;Dr: MK1 Nitara sucks, I am make her cool

[platonicallylovesick]

Let just say, Katsuki's mother is my BIGGEST op

I mean like.. Endeavor too. Obviously the shit he did was WAYYY worse, but at least Shoto had a good role model too, his mom, and so Endeavor didn't completely get to him.

Besides, you're SUPPOSED to take the abuse seriously in Shoto's backstory, Katsuki's abuse gives me the sickening sinking feeling that its supposed to come off as a joke. Maybe it would for people who haven't lived through similar shit. But I just felt angry and a little sick through the whole thing.

cw for the actual abuse being talked about and shown under the cut

First of all, she casually hits him. Its the first thing we see her do. Its HARD, not a light smack at all, and she doesnt even fucking blink. She does it with a smile, she does it while cheerfully talking about how much she wants him out of her house and into a dorm room.

He responds as anyone raised in a volatile household would, and yells back at her. "You hag! Hit me again and I'll kill you!" To which she hits him again, visually and AUDIBLY harder than the last time.

This time she throws in that he was so weak he got caught. Found out where his obsession with being the strongest came from. I actually clocked him for this a long time ago. When I started the show I assumed his father beat him for being "too weak" and "not enough of a man" and that his mother was an alcoholic. Turns out his mother is the physically abusive one that thinks he's too weak, and his father is a pathetic coward of a man, since he mostly just stands by. Obviously he's also being abused, but he's the adult in the situation, its disgusting that he just stands by and lets his child get hit.

What's important to me here though is that he stops fighting back, he leans away from her and puts his arms up defensively. We've literally never seen him actually take any real defensive stance at all any other time in the show. Not when he was being suffocated by the sludge monster in episode one, not a single time when he was fighting All Might, not when he was kidnapped and surrounded by villains. But when his mother hit him and yelled at him, he pulled back.

Then there's this shot, where Kasuki's mother has him by the cheeks and he's trying to get her hands off of him. The father stands by and addresses the teachers instead.

She hits him again, and then holds his head down while turning to tell the teachers that she would be grateful to have him out of the house and in a dorm instead. "People are always fawning over him whether he deserved it or not." Emphasis on the not.

Absolutely disgusting how she demonstrates why he ended up the way he did while blaming it on him getting undeserved praise from his peers. Listen, could this line be referring to how she developed a more physical approach to interacting with him AFTER he developed an explosive personality? I mean I guess its possible, I know of cases where that's happened, where the mother has to get on her unruly son's level. But that's usually because the child learned the behavior from outside influences, like running in bad circles at school, doing drugs, gang activity, ect. That's Not what we see happening here, being told your Quirk is pretty cool by your friends on the playground and being admired by your peers doesn't instill such hatred in a person. Abuse does. Especially since he was a good kid, he didnt just throw his weight around, he stood up for his friends against older kids, we see it in a flashback scene in season 2. He only became angry at Midoriya specifically when he tried to help him up out of the river, which got him so angry because of values INSTILLED IN HIM BY HIS ABUSIVE MOTHER. He internalized the idea that Midoriya thought he was pathetic and useless and weak because he must be if a Qurkless kid thought he needed help. That's not something a 6 year old just assumes, that's something that's already been beat into him by his mother.

This part hit me in the feels. He walks outside for just a few moments to ask All Might what Deku is to him, since he's observed a lot of the direct mentoring All Might's been giving him. For once he doesn't yell or threaten or anything, he's very uncharacteristically quiet. His mother yells at him from inside the house that the police told him not to go wandering off alone, and after a minute he turns to go back inside. "Yeah sure. If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. Oh and, thank you." Before getting yelled at again on his way inside. Thanks for coming to have him moved into a dorm, and out of that household.

I didn't really like Bakugo so much before this episode, at least in the beginning I thought he seriously needed to chill out and thought that he was just written like that for the sole purpose of having a loud and explosive bully for Midoriya to rise up against as the main character. I had looked at a few reddit posts that came up for the search "Why is Bakugo like that" and also asked my sister (who frankly turned out to have an awful memory, since her reasoning was that she was pretty sure his father had gone to get milk, so to speak) and nowhere did I find mention of him literally being abused, or even being in a toxic and dysfunctional household. The only deeper meaning for his character that I could find was that he felt pressured to live up to this image of himself that everyone else had, the aforementioned "Everyone thinks my Quirk is cool and that I'm destined to be a hero, so I HAVE to be the strongest and I HAVE to be the coolest, otherwise I'm absolutely nothing." But again, that's not really the full story since we see his mother reinforce the same message with a side of physical abuse. I mostly joked about the "I bet your father beats you and your mother's a drunk" shit before because I really didn't think they'd have actually written it in. Now I highkey feel bad.

Please enjoy this bonus paragraph about how Bakugo being so independent kinda made me think. Now im going to go and lose my mind over more of this show see ya

[sillysillygoofygoose]

MINORS DNI, CONTAINS MATURE THEMES

Han Jisung x Reader

Sub! Han x Dom, Fem! Reader (mommy kink used)

Exes to Lovers

Y/N's POV:

"C'mon!! It will be fun. You don't always have to be so cynical. I know you're still hurt over the breakup, but you have to get back out there at some point!!"

My friend, _____, sat next to me on my bed, tugging my arm basically out of the socket. Some stupid party was happening later tonight, and she just "needs" someone to go with her.

I didn't give her offer a second thought before turning it down.

I've fallen into the same routine since the breakup.

I wake up, get dressed, attend my classes, come home, and sleep. I don't even know when I'd given up on doing my makeup, showering every morning, and eating most meals.

"Y/NNNNNN, Pleeeeaaaaassseeeeeeee!! We can do your makeup and get you all dressed up! You'll feel soooo much better once you're out there! I mean, look at yourself, hun. You've kinda let yourself go..." She trailed off at the end of her sentence, turning me towards a mirror. I stared at my reflection, shrugging my shoulders. I guess she's right.

It has been four months, and mourning hasn't gotten me anywhere but down.

"Ugh, fine. I'll go... just hang out with me, okay? I don't want to be stuck mingling by myself." I really wasn't in the mood.

"Of course!! Let's get you ready!! This is so exciting, I promise we'll have fun!" She smiled brightly and tossed her long, dark hair over her shoulder as she over exaggerated her facial expressions and hand movements.

I rolled my eyes as she stood me up, pushing me to the bathroom to shower.

~Time skip~

I knew it. I fucking knew it. This party sucks.

____ ran off within thirty minutes, giggling with some overly mellow, immature dick. And I was stuck, standing awkwardly in my skin tight, tiny, barely-there dress, clutching onto my cup.

I just wanted to go home. It was naive of me to let ____ drive us here, I wasn't going home until she was. I made my way through the small crowd gathered in this unknown person's living room. I ventured my way into the small kitchen, digging through a small collection of alcohol. 

"Woah." I hear a soft voice from behind me. Not just any voice, though. It was so... familiar. I turned the top half of my body towards the sweet sound. My lips parted slightly in shock, my heart beat speeding up by the second.

Jisung.

When I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my ex boyfriend was standing in front of me, with his hands uncomfortably dangling at his sides.

Han cleared his throat, opening and closing his hands into fists, panicked. 

"Um hey. How have you been?" His voiced slightly quivered with every word he threw out.

I turned my head, refocusing on the alcohol, scoffing.

"Really good, actually. I'm sure you'd say the same." I lied, condescending tone visible in my firm voice.

"Oh, yeah. I've been alright." He almost whispered back, shrugging his shoulders.  He was never a good liar, especially in contrast to my secure manner. I hummed in response, not caring about his small fib.

"You look really pretty tonight." His round, sparkly eyes scanned up and down my body as I turned back around. My black dress stopped right after my round ass, my hourglass form standing out. ____ practically forced heels onto my feet earlier, making me a few inches taller than usual. My dark lips quirked up into a small smirk.

"I know." I responded, watching as he blushed. I laughed lightly, forgetting the alcohol and walking closer to him. I began engaging with him in useless small talk, almost greatful that I wasn't standing alone anymore. Slowly, conversation faded out and we locked eyes.

I heard his breath speed up slightly.

"Look, I'm- fuck, baby I'm really sorry. I miss you. A lot. I really do. I made a mistake." Jisung mumbled out after almost twenty minutes of back and forth talking. I sighed at his confession. Half of me want to smile, and spill my guts about how much I've missed him too. The other half of me wanted to go ape-shit and cry, furious that this was going to take me ten steps back in my "healing process".

I thought hard before speaking again. Eventually I quickly spat out, "God, don't even say that.".

However, I refused to break eye contact, not backing down or shying away from the sudden switch in conversation.

"No, I mean it. Please, give me another chance. I'll do anything you want me to. I just need you again." His voice became more and more quiet as he rambled on. I could've sworn he was tipsy, or even drunk, but he didn't look it.

"What's wrong with you? Are you drunk or something?" Maybe he was just fucking around with me...

Jisung's POV:

My heart was pumping out of my chest, I could hear the continuous beat in my ears. She just looks so... unbelievable tonight. Drop dead gorgeous.

I thought back to our final night together. The screaming. The cursing. The tears.

The theatrics were unreasonable for the small issue that caused the fight in the first place.

I just can't believe that was how I lost her.

"No, I'm not drunk. Listen, maybe it was stupid to say... I'm sorry, I should really go." The tension closed in on me as I quickly turned around and attempted to excuse myself. I felt nails dig into my upper arm and whip me back around.

"Anything?"

"Huh?" I felt my palms become sweaty.

"You said you'd do anything... right, Jisung? To prove you'll be a good boy again?"

She pulled me close to her, our noses touching.

I instinctively grabbed her hips, wanting, no, needing to feel her.

"Anything. Anything you want." I confirmed. Famous. Last. Words.

Y/N's POV :

I grabbed Jisung's hand and pulled him through the full living area. Why am I doing this to myself? It will be impossible to let him go after re-igniting the flame that previously burnt out. Ugh, whatever. I could make him do so, so much... fuck, I just wanted to use him. Nothing more... right?

I let go of his hand while I trudged up the staircase, feeling his presence trailing close behind my body like a lost little puppy. Once I got upstairs I opened and closed multiple doors before eventually finding an empty bedroom.

I pulled him inside the room, immediately pushing him against the door, slamming it close.

In less than a second, my lips were on his. The kiss was anything but gentle. I trailed my hand up to his neck squeezing softly, applying more and more pressure as I pinned him to the hard surface behind him. His breath hitched, his chest dramatically rising and falling against mine.

I broke the kiss, keeping my hand wrapped tight around his throat.

"Fucking strip. Quickly, I don't have all night." I demanded, using my grip on his neck to throw his shaking body to the floor.

He fell at my feet, head hanging. "Yes ma'am." He complied, frantically pulling off his shirt and rushing to unzip his pants.

Once he was fully bare, he looked up at me, waiting for his next command.

"Good boy. Stand up, come on. Be good for me." I curled my fingers around the bottom of my dress as he stood, lifting up the fabric, teasing him by exposing my thong. I pulled the tight dress off of my body, leaving my stiletto heals on.

"Hurry up, get on the bed for me, baby." Jisung scurried for the bed, laying down, propping his upper body up on his elbows as he waited for my next move. How pathetic. I smiled, taking my time as I made my way for the bed, slipping of my soaked panties.

I straddle his upper thighs, looking down at his rose-colored face.

"You've wanted this haven't you? You've been thinking about this?" I teased him, rubbing my hands along his sides and hips, tracing his v-line.

He shuddered against my touch, and I felt his dick lurch up under me, desperate for any sort of attention.

I smirked and grabbed his dick, wasting no time as I began slowly jerking him off. Painfully slowly. He immediately began whining, pushing his hips up to gain more friction. I leaned over and slapped him across the face.

"No. You don't get to feel good. Not yet. Take it like the little slut you are until I decide you deserve more."

He cried out as his tip began to leak with precum.

"Please, please, Mommy. I need to feel you so bad, please let me fuck you." Jisung begged, gripping onto the sheets next to him.

I ignored him and sped up slightly, amused as his back arched off the soft mattress under him. I began kissing and biting down his neck, marking my territory with bright red blotches.

"What a fucking whore. Look at you. Practically screaming from a hand job? How embarrassing, puppy." He let out a deep moan, simply from my words. I guess he really did miss me.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum mommy. Please let me cum. You make me feel so good mommy, thank you. Fuck~. " He jumbled his words together, and I felt the muscles in his strong legs tense under me. Moans turned to breathless, shallow whimpers right before I let go of him all together.

"Fuck, I was so close mommy." Jisung complained. Tears began prickling in his eyes.

"Aww, baby. I thought you wanted to fuck me?"

He immediately perked up, solemn demeanor gone.

"Really? You'll let me fuck you?". I silently confirmed moving off of him, and let him move on top of me.

"Go ahead baby, fuck me good. Show me how much you missed me, how much of a good boy you are."

That's all he needed.

I instantly felt the stretch of his dick completely filling me up. His arms wrapped around my waist and he rested his head on my chest. Wasting no time, he began thrusting his hips into mine at a rapid pace. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, moaning out. God, I missed the feeling of him inside me. I gripped onto his hair and he rammed into my G-spot.

"Fuck, baby boy... Ah Ji- so fucking good. Keep going, fill me up with your cum." I felt his hold on me tighten, almost like I was going to evaporate or disappear out of his arms.

"Mommmyy, I missed you. I missed your pussy. I need you. Fucking need you."

Water droplets soaked into the skin of my chest. I lifted his head up, his eyes meeting mine. His face was red, eyes were puffy, and tears ran down the soft skin.

My heart dropped as I held his face in my hands, wiping his tears.

"Shh Jisung, baby, it's okay. I'm here. Just feel good for me, okay? You're being such a good boy. Fuck your cum into me, just for mommy."

I held onto him tight as his whole body shook. I felt his warm cum pump out of him as he moaned, shoving his face into my shoulder.

I reached my climax almost immediately after, cradling him as he collapsed on top of me.

We calm down, our breathing evening back out and syncing together.

He was the first to speak.

"Come home with me... please?" Jisung moved off of me, laying next to my tired body.

I thought for a second before eventually agreeing.

We stood up, knees buckling as we dressed each other.

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Great Hunt! Chapter 43: A Plan

I've believed in my own lies so strongly I made them come true. I promise that this time I rant much less about the Seanchan. I also promise that this chapter doesn't actually spoil all that much, but it's still spoils a few things for this book and the later The Wheel of Time series as a whole so you shouldn't keep reading unless you're ready for that.

This chapter has the a'dam bracelet as it's all about the plan to get Egwene away from captivity.

Feeling worse than useless, she picked up her skirts and ran, and Egwene’s screams pursued her. She could not make herself stay, and leaving made her feel a coward.

Shame you didn't kill Renna BEFORE she put the bracelet back on!

Nah I'm just messing Min. Shit sucks. This is a terrible way to get a POV section.

She was not accustomed to weeping openly, but then she was not accustomed to feeling so helpless, so useless.

Sadly, Min never does internalize the notion that she may have been a medium fish in Baerlon but that she's krill compared to the world's big players. Even more sadly, the fact that she is comparatively useless as a combatant never stops being relevant in her life. She shoulda pulled a Ty Lee and invented a knife style that just fucks up channelers or something.

“That color becomes you,” Nynaeve continued. “You should have taken up dresses long since. Though I’ve thought of breeches myself since I saw them on you.”

Nynaeve is pretty conservative at times but it's sweet that she's thought about how she has the option to wear pants thanks to Min.

Min hesitated a fraction before saying, “She’s as well as can be expected.” Min could see it all too well, if she told them what was happening to Egwene right that moment. Nynaeve was as likely as not to go storming back in an attempt to stop it.

And she's not even using her seeing powers to predict this future!

‘Give me a damane of my own on my deck,’ he says, ‘and I will sail this instant.’

Domon really does seem to be an incredibly adaptive man and a quick thinker. It's a shame he always stayed pretty background; I wonder what he might have pulled off if he'd had a chance.

“I wish Rand were here.” Elayne sighed, and when they both looked at her, she blushed and quickly added, “Well, he does have a sword. I wish we had somebody with a sword. Ten of them. A hundred.”

Keep it in your dress, Elayne. The adults are talking.

She touched her chest absently, as if feeling something through her coat.

KEEP IT IN YOUR DRESS, NYNAEVE. Good lord how is Min being the reasonable one about boys right now?

I hope one of you can think of something I haven’t; I’ve wracked my brains, and I always stumble when it comes to the a’dam, the leash and collar. Sul’dam don’t like anyone watching too closely when they open them.

General protectiveness of their ability to hold slaves, or furtive, subconscious acknowledgment of the fact that should destroy an empire?

A man’s ring of heavy gold floated above Nynaeve’s head, and above Elayne’s, a red-hot iron and an axe.

Well Nynaeve already has the ring so that's a terrible future vision, and this particular prophecy actually doesn't come true for Elayne because it relates to a cut version of how Rand loses his hand. Let's say it's got something to do with Manetheren and Perrin I guess. Or maybe it's a Fourth Age thing.

Many people had fled here from villages further from the coast. Min saw no point to it—they had leaped from the possibility of a visit from the Seanchan to the certainty of Seanchan all around them—but she had heard what the Seanchan did when they first came to a village, and she could not blame the villagers too much for fearing another appearance.

Safety in numbers and staying inside the region the Seanchan aren't likely to wage war against any time soon.

The inn had been hastily renamed The Three Plum Blossoms, but part of the word “Watcher” still showed through the slapdash paint work on the sign.

Betcha anything that three plum blossoms are an auspicious omen in Seanchan culture and that the innkeeper is already currying some favor.

“It’s all right,” Min told her, taking a place on the end of one of the benches at the table. “He only looks and sounds like a bear.” Elayne sat down on the other end, looking doubtful.

Min is of course pretty used to all sorts from her own inn days, and anyway if there's any omens around Domon they're likely ones that suggest decentness.

I did think I could spin a tale or two and be on my way, but now I think when I no entertain him any longer, it be an even wager whether he do let me go or have my head cut off.

I think Domon probably would be enslaved instead but yeah not a good outcome in any case.

Two gold rings hung on the cord. Min gasped when she saw one—it was the heavy man’s ring she had seen when she read Nynaeve in the street—but she knew it was the other, slighter and made for a woman’s slender finger, that made Domon’s eyes bulge. A serpent biting its own tail.

I told you your prophecy was dumb, Min.

But also damn Nynaeve is reckless and this Aes Sedai impersonation business is going to get so out of hand. Real Aes Sedai lie there though, where she tells him he knows what it means instead of the truth that she's earned the ring but isn't Aes Sedai.

Six damane they did put around her, stepping out of the alleys of a sudden. I did think she would . . . do something—you know what I mean—but. . . . I know nothing of these things. One moment she did look as if she would destroy them all, then a look of horror did come on her face, and she did scream.

Frankly I suspect they were overdoing it with six; the Seanchan have more powerful channelers on average, after all. I wonder if they've noticed it yet.

“Egwene said they have two prisoners,” Min said slowly. “Ryma, a Yellow, and she didn’t know who the other is.” Nynaeve gave her a sharp look, and she fell silent, blushing. From the look on Domon’s face, it had not furthered their cause any to tell him the Seanchan held two Aes Sedai, not just one.

I'm a little surprised Min is naive enough to mention this. You'd think with her life experiences she'd be much more guarded about what information she's willing to share, and with whom.

“With some people,” she said, “you have to be certain. If you show them one glimmer of doubt, they’ll sweep you off in some direction you don’t want to go. Light, but I was afraid he was going to say no. Come, we have plans yet to make. There are still one or two small problems to work out.”

Nynaeve is an icon and we will close out this chapter with a moment of respect for her.

[jazlynriddle]

Welcome to your life - Pt 2:

Acting On Your Best Behaviour Ch 8:

Summary:

They'd seen it in their fellow orphans often enough to recognise the pattern and were now forced to admit, despite their hopes to the contrary, that Isidora had likely suffered similar side effects.

No… they'd always known she had. The Keeper had just wanted the power that Ranrok had, enough to convince themselves that they would be able to handle it better than that naive woman.

With the start of the Keeper’s sixth-year in Hogwarts, comes a whole slew of headache-inducing challenges from the most unexpected of places. Between insignificant pests throwing wrenches into their plans and tedious teenage drama, that the Keeper is entirely unprepared for, they wonder if they'll make it to their NEWTs without losing their sanity.

Or worse, Ominis or Sebastian.

Warnings: Sebastian x MC x Ominis! Drug Addiction! Spoilers! Slow-burn corruption! Dark content! Fucked up 1800s orphanages! MC has no love for Anne or Solomon! Dubious happy ending (it's happy for MC, Seb and Ominis at least).

You can also read on AO3! (chapter specific warnings below)

Notes:

Warnings: Best paired with spy movie music, I recommend The Man from Uncle tracks xD

I am so tired holy shit- Writing this while being a DM is rough but I ain't quitting that easy! Plus, I'm actually really happy with how this chapter turned out, I really want to have more of a buffer though, finishing a chapter just in time for my scheduled upload time makes me feel slow. x')

"Good luck." Sebastian whispered, gently squeezing the Keeper's shoulder, before continuing down the corridor, walking past Amit who was seated at a bench beside the door to the Detention Chamber.

The Keeper nodded, while Sebastian slipped into the room, with the intent of remaining inside until Amit and Macnair had left. No doubt Sebastian would be familiar with it considering how much time he'd spent in detention over the course of his Hogwarts career and, more importantly, Macnair wouldn't find it odd for him to enter said room.

Meanwhile the Keeper turned left, opened the gate, and began walking through the long tunnel that led to the Death Day Party Room. Mindful of Macnair stopping to wait outside the gate since the tunnel was one-way.

If everything went according to plan, the Keeper would be in and out of the Undercroft without the bullies being any the wiser.

The Keeper had been pleasantly surprised when Jackdaw had agreed to clear the Death Day Party Room of any ghosts for them for two hours. As thanks for avenging his death and destroying the Guardians in the cave where he died.

As such, while Natty followed Selwyn, and the rest of the team were currently in the Death Day Party Room, preparing for what they believed was phase one. The Keeper's true phase one was already well underway and off to a good start.

By having Sebastian accompany the Keeper for the first few minutes of their journey towards the Death Day Party Room from the Slytherin Common Rooms, they had successfully encouraged Selwyn to choose Ominis to stalk. Thus, allowing Sebastian to split off from the Keeper and later head back into the Slytherin dorms to steal the bullies' diaries.

Of course, there was absolutely no point in acquiring the diaries a second time, but they had to steal those useless books for the sake of appearances for Natty's team. The Keeper would later be sure to comb the diaries with Ominis, to redact any information pertaining to Solomon from them, before handing the trash over to Natty.

Ominis' task then, was to lure Selwyn over to the Death Day Party Room via a more roundabout route, while the Keeper drew Macnair with them directly to the same destination.

Staggering the two bullies' arrival at the room, where Garreth and Poppy were preparing to transform, would allow them to lure Macnair away from the room with the first Keeper double. Before Ominis brought Selwyn to be tricked into stalking the second Keeper double in the other direction.

Thereby, freeing Ominis to join the Keeper and keep a lookout while the Keeper went into the Undercroft. Amit and Natty would each accompany Garreth and Poppy to help them hide from the bullies when their time ran out.

As the Keeper walked around the right bend, they came within view of the nondescript bronze door. Without skipping a beat, they slipped into the room, closing the door behind them, and turned to face Garreth and Poppy.

"Right on time, any complications?" Garreth asked with a confident grin.

"None." The Keeper replied as they dug through their satchel for two sets of their spare Slytherin robes, before handing one to Garreth and the other to Poppy.

"Great, I'll just take some of your hair then-" Garreth reached forward, and the Keeper immediately caught him by the wrist.

"If you think I'm giving you the chance to take more than two strands, you're barmy." The Keeper rolled their eyes.

"I'm hurt." Garreth gasped in dismay, placing a hand over his heart as though he'd taken a knife in it. "Why would you think I would do something as dastardly as secretly steal extra hair so I can make more Polyjuice potions of you in the future?"

"I wonder why." The Keeper responded dryly as they plucked exactly two strands from their head and handed them to Garreth.

"Isn't it a pity we live in such sceptical times?" Sighing dramatically, Garreth shook his head and gestured for Poppy to open the vials.

She deftly popped the caps off and held up the two vials for Garreth to add the Keeper's hair to their contents. The brown and muddy liquid bubbled for a moment, before turning into a deep blood red colour, the thick sludge thinning till it was the consistency of what looked like water.

The Keeper peered curiously at the fluid, they knew that Polyjuice potion was supposed to look and taste differently depending on the source of the last ingredient, and they wondered for a moment how theirs might taste. It did look uncannily similar to…

"Interesting colour, hopefully it doesn't taste like blood." Garreth chirped, clearly having come to the same conclusion, grinning at the Keeper. "You secretly a vampire?"

The Keeper rolled their eyes while Poppy laughed nervously and shook her head. "I'm sure it won't taste like blood, it's probably just red because it's an elegant colour."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." The Keeper chuckled.

If it did end up tasting like blood, they wondered if it would be because of the many goblin and human lives they'd taken. The amount of blood they'd spilled over the span of the previous year would probably be enough to fill the prefect's bath.

"Well, nothing for it, bottoms up!" Garreth raised his vial and poured it into his mouth while Poppy did the same.

Immediately Garreth began coughing and Poppy's eyes widened with surprise.

"Merlin’s balls, why is it so spicy!?" Garreth coughed a few more times, staring incredulously at the vial.

"What, can't handle a little heat?" The Keeper chuckled in amusement while both Garreth and Poppy dropped their vials as the transformation began.

Spicy eh? The Keeper mused to themselves while the sound of bones cracking echoed through the room. Well, that's probably better than their potion tasting like blood.

Seeing Poppy teetering as her body contorted, the Keeper took a step forward, catching her before she collapsed to the floor.

"Ugh- I'll never get used to that…" Garreth groaned in the Keeper's voice as he and Poppy's bodies finally completed the transformation.

"You alright there, Poppy?" The Keeper asked, peering down at their double.

"That was-" Poppy gasped. "A bit worse than I expected, thanks."

"First time?" The Keeper smiled wryly, taking a step away as Poppy seemed to regain her stability.

She nodded with a grateful smile and began changing her robes to the Keeper's. "I'm surprised that the potion tasted spicy, it had an interesting burn too."

"Yeah, the burn kind of reminded me of elf red wine." Garreth agreed as he tugged on the Keeper's robes.

"Spicy red wine?" The Keeper snorted, figures that their essence would manifest as an addictive substance, cosmic irony at its finest.

Though they wondered if there was any symbolic significance behind the spiciness, perhaps the fact that it was something most people either loved or hated? Or maybe even, that it was a defence mechanism developed by plants to avoid being eaten?

"You've had wine before?" Poppy asked, raising her eyebrow at Garreth.

"Yeah, I swapped one of my parents' bottles with cranberry juice." Garreth grinned cheekily as he buttoned their vest and the Keeper burst into laughter.

"Won't they find out?" Poppy asked as she fastened her robes closed.

"Nah, they've never even considered drinking that one, too expensive or something, so I doubt they'll ever find out." Garreth waved a hand dismissively as he took a few steps towards the door, patting the Keeper on the shoulder as he passed. "Alright, I'll get going then, best of luck!"

With that, Garreth left the room disguised as the Keeper, off on his mission of dragging Macnair all the way to the Greenhouses.

"I'd pay to see his parents' reaction, if and when they open that bottle." The Keeper chuckled.

"Must be hard living with Garreth." Poppy laughed. "He's fun though."

"If you can handle his brand of chaos I suppose." The Keeper shrugged. There was something vaguely unsettling in seeing their own face smiling and hearing their own voice giggling. Expressions that were normal on Poppy but felt distinctly unnatural on themselves.

Sure, they laughed and smiled too, but they were pretty sure it didn't look like that. Carefree and light-hearted. Then again, it's not like the Keeper watched themselves emote in the mirror regularly. For all they knew it might look like that. The thought was disquieting, they'd have to ask their partners afterwards.

A moment later, there was a knock on the door and Amit's voice reverberated through the wood. "Success, Macnair took the bait and Natty says Selwyn's heading this way. I'm going after Macnair and Garreth, good luck then!"

Poppy took a breath and placed her hand on the handle. "Alright, my turn. Good luck and I’ll see you tomorrow."

The Keeper nodded and she left the room quickly, determined to keep Selwyn occupied over by the Flying Class Lawn.

They continued waiting, taking the opportunity to rest against the wall, just a little longer. The nausea and dizziness would be over soon.

A few moments later another knock rapped on the door and Natty’s voice came next. "Alright, Selwyn's following Poppy, I'll trail them. Good luck!"

As the sound of her footsteps faded, the Keeper waited for a handful of minutes, before slipping out of the room. They travelled back out of the tunnel and glanced around the empty hallway, taking a few steps towards the Detention Chamber door.

The Keeper rapped their knuckles against it with a quiet. "All clear."

The door opened and Sebastian poked his head out. "How'd it go?"

"Without a hitch." The Keeper smirked as he slipped out through the door.

"Not sure I'd go that far, I'm pretty sure that Onai caught on that Selwyn was following me." A smooth and familiar voice came accompanied by the sound of even footsteps.

The Keeper tilted their head lazily to see Ominis walking over with a wry smile, his wand pulsing with red light as always. "It's fine, I’ll handle Natty."

"If you say so." Ominis huffed lightly, shaking his head.

"Oh ye of little faith." The Keeper chuckled.

"Well, at least if this works, it's not like you'll need her anymore." Sebastian muttered with an uncaring shrug.

"For now, perhaps, but you never know, would be better to keep that resource." The Keeper shrugged. "Alright, we've dallied long enough, let's go."

The Keeper then took Ominis' hand, laced their fingers, and began walking. Pleased when his eyes widened in surprise and the corners of his lips curled up in a small smile.

"Good luck, Sebastian." The Keeper ruffled his hair as they passed him, smiling at Sebastian's scoff as he combed his fingers through his hair and turned towards the Slytherin Common Room.

"As if I'll need any." Sebastian grumbled under his breath as he headed off in the other direction.

Leaving the dungeons, Ominis and the Keeper made the relatively short walk to the Defence Tower in a few minutes. Ominis stopped at the staircase beside the Undercroft entrance, while the Keeper continued past him.

Hearing the Keeper stumble however, Ominis reached out and caught their wrist. "Perhaps I should go in with you…"

"I'll be fine." The Keeper shook their head, placing a hand over his reassuringly. If they lost control of themselves, the last thing they'd want is for Ominis to try and stop them. Who knew what they'd do to him if he stood between them and the energy they were craving. They refused to allow for even the slightest possibility of finding out.

"Wait here for me. I will not be defeated by a mere addiction, I swear." The Keeper placed a quick chaste kiss on his cheek and released his hand, making their way over to the Undercroft door quickly, before Ominis could change his mind.

Sighing, Ominis remained above in the Tower, keeping watch while the Keeper took the secret passage to the Undercroft. All he could do now was trust them, but with so much to lose, that was the hardest task on Earth.

Meanwhile, the Keeper raised the gate to the Undercroft chamber and felt all the pain of the last two months slam into them at once.

At the mere sight of the Repository, the Keeper could feel their heart rate accelerate, gasping for air as though they were drowning. Their stomach churning, their pupils dilating and their palms sweating with anticipation. They barely felt their feet carry them towards the floating orb, would have been embarrassed if they'd seen the desperate way they'd stumbled across the floor.

Despite how uncooperative their magic had been for the last week, to their relief, the Repository responded immediately to the Keeper's wand, unfurling to grant them access to the tantalising energy within.

The Keeper stared into its mesmerising depths and felt the unbearable urge to immerse themselves in it. Their hand reached forward, almost as though it had sentience of its own.

"No!" The Keeper bit out, snatching back their hand and cradling it to their chest. Their teeth clenched and their shoulders heaved with the effort it took to restrain themselves, feeling perspiration bead along their forehead.

They'd sworn they wouldn't allow this to control them. They'd promised Sebastian and Ominis that they could resist and only retrieve enough to last till the end of term.

If they couldn't control themselves right now, they might as well take it all and allow the magic to consume them like it did Ranrok.

But they weren't as weak as that dirty brother killer.

Gritting their teeth, the Keeper instead reached into their satchel and retrieved a jar. Their hands trembled as they opened the jar, raising their wand shakily to collect a bulb of energy and guide it into the container. The length of their wand knocked against the inside of the jar with a loud clack, the sound ringing through the chamber.

They could feel drops of sweat roll down the side of their face, but they persisted. They had to move fast too, the Polyjuice distraction wouldn't last for more than forty-five minutes now.

Ominis and Sebastian were waiting for them.

Two jars.

Three jars.

Their stomach rolled with nausea.

Six jars.

Seven jars.

Every strand of muscle hurt, their wand arm trembling with strain.

Ten jars.

Eleven jars.

Their vision blurred and they shook their head to regain their focus.

Fifteen jars.

Sixteen jars.

The expansion charm on their satchel was so useful- They took a deep breath.

Twenty jars.

Twenty-one jars.

Almost there…

Twenty-nine jars.

Thirty jars.

The Keeper gasped, dropping to their knees as the Repository slid shut above them, their muscles cramped from the effort it'd taken to hold themselves steady.

They couldn't be sure how much time they'd taken to collect the energy necessary, but at least Ominis hadn't come down to the Undercroft himself, which meant that it hadn't reached the end of the hour yet.

The sooner they moved however, the sooner they could finish the last phase of the plan and actually take a proper hit for the first time in two months.

The Keeper forced themselves to their feet and began staggering towards the gates.

Ominis paced anxiously as he counted the minutes that had passed since the Keeper had left his side and descended into the Undercroft.

Were they alright? Had they succumbed to the urge to consume the energy? Would he regret waiting out here for them like they'd instructed? Had trusting the Keeper's self-control been the right choice?

He'd agreed when Sebastian said that the two of them needed to return the Keeper's trust with their own, but there was a difference between trust and neglect.

He'd made the same mistake with Sebastian and Solomon ended up dead. Whether it was Solomon's own fault or deserved regardless, it didn't change the fact that his death hadn’t been good. Sebastian hadn't been in his right mind, and Solomon hadn't helped and all of that made Sebastian, his Sebastian, suffer.

The Keeper was his now too and they were down there, suffering alone and he was just pacing up here rather than helping them!

As Ominis finally reached the end of his rope and turned to march into the Undercroft, the sound of the gate's clockwork gears turning reached his ears. His anxiety immediately peaked, wishing for the nth time in his life, that he could discern their condition visually.

Rushing over, Ominis was alarmed when he heard the Keeper's foot hit the floor with a heavy thud, a clear telltale indication that they were trying to keep their balance but were about to collapse. Moving forward quickly, Ominis caught the Keeper, slipping his arms under theirs and around their waist to support their weight with his torso.

"A- are you alright?" Ominis asked, his voice shaking with panic as he slung the Keeper's arms over his shoulders to take weight off their spine. "Merlin, you're burning up."

Ominis could feel a feverish heat radiating off the Keeper's body and was already considering if it would be better to dunk them into the Black Lake or cast Aguamenti on them.

However, to absolutely nobody's surprise, the Keeper stroked a hand over his shoulder to soothe him and sluggishly shook their head. "M’ fine, just tired. Let's go back to the common room, Sebastian's probably waiting already."

"I think we should go to the infirmary instead-" Ominis tried, trailing off as the Keeper's fingers abruptly tightened around his shoulder in warning. Their firm grip conveyed both that they were yet strong enough to exert force and that he was testing their patience.

Ominis sighed, grumbling under his breath as he adjusted their weight so that he could support them while walking, slinging one of their arms around his shoulders and gripping their waist firmly. "If you pass out before we even get to the common room, I'm dragging your arse to the infirmary."

The Keeper huffed a strained laugh as they began to stagger across the floor with him slowly. "Deal."

As the soothing music and cool, comforting light of the Slytherin common room came into their hazy and distorted vision, the Keeper felt a wave of relief wash over them.

They weren't sure when the Slytherin common room and dorms had come to truly feel like home, but the last time they'd been so glad to reach the bottom of a flight of stairs alive was after they broke their leg while running from the older orphans.

They felt, more than heard, Ominis sigh as the pots at the bottom of the staircase shattered for the millionth time, the familiar high-pitched sound echoing hollowly in their ears. Honestly, at this point, the Keeper was actually curious to know which idiot had decided to place those pots there because they wanted to award that person a medal.

As expected, Sebastian was already pacing by the fireplace and as he looked towards them at the sound of their staggering steps, the Keeper felt a brief moment of deja vu.

Who would have thought that the boy who'd brusquely asked if he could help them, in a tone that screamed 'leave me alone', would become their closest friend and partner. Or that his best friend who'd possessively threatened the Keeper outside the Undercroft would also become their closest friend and partner.

Their eyelids were so heavy, but we made it, Ominis wouldn't be dragging them to the infirmary where they'd have to think of an explanation while they were in this condition. A sigh escaped the Keeper's lips and their eyes slipped closed in relief…

"Sebastian-" Ominis had barely gotten his name out when the Keeper's body went limp against his. "Oh bollocks."

Sebastian, having heard Ominis, quickly moved forward to help him with the Keeper's unconscious form. "Merlin, Ominis, what happened?"

"I think their body couldn't handle being near the Repository and broke down. They were already feverish when they came out of the Undercroft." Ominis replied shakily as Sebastian helped him lay the Keeper on one of the couches.

"Alright, we should take their robes off first, we need to cool them down." Sebastian nodded, lifting the Keeper slightly so that Ominis could help remove their thick and baggy school robes.

"I knew I should have brought them straight to the infirmary, how can we possibly cool them down without potions?" Ominis bit his lip, setting the robes down on the opposite couch and wringing his hands anxiously. "Casting Glacius on them at this point would definitely send them into shock."

Sebastian ran a hand through his hair, trying to think of a course of action before Ominis went into a full panic. "We can probably use it on something else…"

A moment of silence passed, only disturbed by Ominis shoes rapping against the floor as he paced. He was about to insist that they bring the Keeper to the infirmary when-

"That's it!" Sebastian reached for the Keeper’s satchel and began digging through it. "Ominis, could you get some cloth we can cut up to wrap with, and a bowl of some sort?"

Without questioning him, Ominis immediately hurried off to the dorms while Sebastian continued searching through the deceptively small bag.

After a few moments, he pulled out three of the Keeper’s wiggenweld potion vials from their satchel and stood. Closing the satchel and setting it aside, he then placed the three vials on the table.

"Glacius." Sebastian incanted, waving his wand over the three vials, freezing the vials and the liquid within them as Ominis returned with one of his winter scarves.

"I think I know what you're going for." Ominis pressed the scarf into Sebastian's hands before placing the basin on the table, waving his wand over it, and casting the water conjuring spell. "Aguamenti."

"There we go." Sebastian placed one of the vials into the gradually filling basin of water, the ice-cold vial cooling the water quickly while he used two quick Diffindo casts to split the scarf into three pieces.

"Here, you can use this one for their face." Sebastian placed one of the scarf pieces in Ominis' hand while he began wrapping the two remaining vials in a scarf piece each.

Sebastian then lifted the Keeper's arms and placed one of the wrapped vials under each of their armpits. Allowing the cloth to spread out the chill of each frozen vial, all to alleviate the concentration of heat in the region under the Keeper's shirt.

At the same time, Ominis dipped his scarf portion into the cool water, wrung it out and patted the cold damp fabric against the Keeper's forehead, letting it absorb the heat from their feverish skin. He dipped it back into the basin the moment the cloth lost its chill, this time dragging the cloth over the Keeper’s flushed cheeks and neck.

Feeling the sharp bite of cold along their neck, the Keeper pried their eyelids open. They felt disoriented, their blurry vision still refusing to cooperate. They shook their head with a low groan, trying to force their ears to work again. When did it get so cold?

They found themselves missing the warmth of Ominis' body against theirs and shifted slightly, realising that their heavy robes had been removed at some point. Cold. Their skin almost hurt from how cold they felt.

"I think the water is starting to get warm." That sounded like Ominis.

"Here, I froze another vial, I'll help you switch them out." Sebastian's voice came from beside them and the Keeper felt a damp and cold cloth placed on their forehead yet again. The sharp bite of cold against their already chilled skin drew a muttered curse from their lips.

"No complaints. If you resist, we're going to drag you to the infirmary." Ominis scolded as he patted the Keeper's warm and flushed face down before dipping the cloth into his basin to cool the towel again. "Always pushing yourself. Would it kill you to actually rely on us for once?"

"...but I did…" The Keeper smiled, that's right, after all, I "wouldn't have been able to resist without you two…"

Ominis' eyes widened and Sebastian blinked in surprise.

A long moment of silence passed as the two boys stared at the Keeper, uncertain how to react and waiting to see if they'd say more, but all they got were more quiet breaths.

A bemused huff came from Ominis as it became clear that the Keeper had spoken without realising it themselves.

"They are definitely delirious." Sebastian commented with a weak chuckle, his voice thick with emotion and he swallowed, wrapping his fingers tightly around the Keeper's.

"Yes, must be the fever." Ominis agreed with a soft smile, gently brushing the strands of damp hair from the Keeper's face.

The Keeper's breathing remained slow and even, and any other words that might have been spoken were lost as they slipped back into a deep slumber.

Notes:

To me, one of the best jokes from the entire game, was the fact that if you choose to cast Crucio on Sebastian during the Scriptorium quest, he stands shakily afterwards, understandably, gasping in pain, saying “That pain- I would have done anything to make it stop, but I’ll survive. Let’s keep moving.” And with less than a second passing from the moment he was gasping and panting, he happily proclaims “We made it!”

Like, it’s such hilariously bad stitching, even a few seconds more would have made it better, but with him going from dying from pain to excitedly declaring that we made it, the whole scene just went from dark to comedy to me. xDDD

Of course, it comes off as callous if he says that after cursing the player, but to me, the fact that he also says the exact same thing in the exact same way, no matter who got cursed, tells me that it wasn’t cruelty or uncaring on his part. He just genuinely saw the pain and spell as ‘a thing we had to do survive and succeed that isn’t anyone’s fault and its just a thing of the past now’. Sebastian is just goal oriented, practical and honestly, less petty than many fully grown adults.

He doesn't even hold a grudge against Ominis when he refused to help, like sure trauma is rough but they were essentially dying! That's the real life equivalent of bleeding to death from your severed arm and your friend, who is afraid of blood, refuses to save you by tying up your stump of a limb.

Calling Ominis ridiculous is rude and blunt, yes. Which is why I had Sebastian apologise for it in Chapter 5 but considering the circumstances, I think its an understandable response from a 15 year old kid.

Also, points to anyone who caught the references to Undertale and Sinbad Legend of the Seven Seas! I've actually been leaving references all over every chapter of all my fics, they're an inside joke at this point haha xD

[jasmariswonderland]

✨🎭A Glorious Masquerade With My Twst OCs🎭✨

Hello everyone!

A few days late but better late than never right? Here are my Glorious Masquerade headcanons for Yuulan, Danica, Farron, Sidonie and Vidaria! 

I should note that in my twst-oc universe, this is a canon event. But instead of taking place around halloween, this event takes place in midsummer with NRC holding prom around the same time, Yes this will be relevant in future writing. 

~~~

Yuulan was very surprised when she was selected for the arcane academy social, but she’s also thrilled. She enjoys traveling and so far, one of the things she’s enjoyed so far about being at NRC is when she’s allowed to travel off school campus and see more of Twisted Wonderland. 

But she isn’t so thrilled when she finds out that both Malleus and Vidaria are also attending. Since Book 5, Yuulan and Malleus have slowly become more distant thanks to Malleus keeping his betrothal a secret from her and the rather blase manner he responded when she confronted him about it. Malleus has tried seeking her out since but Yuulan is still trying to sort out her feelings and for him and what exactly they are. And needless to say, she can’t help but feel the smallest bit of envy of Vidaria.

While in the City of Flowers, Yuulan manages to keep her distance of Malleus, Sebek making it all the easier. But she has a lot of fun hanging out with Epel and Deuce, particularly the latter. And up until he looses his entire fucking mind, she even grows to like Rollo as well. They have a lot of amiable conversation about the history of the City of Flowers and she likes that he seems genuinely interested in her. Yuulan has always suffered insecurity about lacking magic in this world and can’t help but feel like a useless tag along at times. Her falling out with Malleus hasn’t helped matters either. But Rollo helps Yuulan forget her more recent troubles, even if she does think he’s a tad peculiar. 

And then all hell breaks loose that evening with the firelotuses and any amiable feelings Yuulan had for Rollo go completely out the window. She’s horrified that he could be capable of such terrible things but she’s even more horrified by Malleus’ reaction when he realizes Rollo only intended to trap him and his invitation to the City of Flowers was never genuine. His brief tirade and the magic he displays is enough for Yuulan to temporarily be freighted by him, for the very first time. 

But with help from Farron and Professor Trein, she and Grim destroy the firelotuses in the city. At the masquerade, she now keeps her distance from Rollo but does finally talk to Malleus. They dance for a while and their conversation is pleasant but she wonders if they could ever really be friends like they once were. On the other hand, Yuulan spends a lot of time with Deuce and begins to see him in a different light. She’s always liked him but she can feel her feelings for him beginning to deepen within this elegant masquerade setting. 

Danica, Farron, Sidonie and Vidaria’s under the cut! 

For Danica, this arcane academy social comes at a very difficult time in her life. Her relationship with Vil is on the rocks and she’s recently transferred to Diasomnia. To make matters worse, at the same time of the social, NRC will be hosting their yearly ball and it was her hope that she and Vil could reconcile then. Unfortunately her selection for the social squashes this plan. But it isn’t all bad. Some of Danica’s friends have also been selected and this actually isn’t her first time visiting the City of Flowers. Her sister brought her there for her birthday many years ago and her mother is actually an alumni of NBC. So Danica is looking forward to seeing the school her mother once attended. 

She loves her masquerade gown and with it, she’s choses to bring her own mask, one that was gifted to her by one of her dorm mates for her birthday. And it’s a perfect match, though Farron remarks that Diasomnia’s colors don’t quite suit her as well as Pomefiore’s

All in all, Danica thoroughly enjoys exploring the city with her classmates, trying pastries in one of the local bakeries, and making friends with a community goat. And to make things even better, she’s surprised when while checking out a shop, she runs into her friends Minette and Florine! As it turns out, students from RSA were also selected to attend the arcane academy social. Neige is also there but he and Danica are on better terms now. 

Needless to say, Danica is very happy to see them again even though her fellow NRC classmates side eye her. Sebek makes a remark about Danica being a traitor and even though the others try to write off his remark as a joke (it wasn’t), it really hurts her, to the point she ends up sitting with her RSA friends during the Topsy Turvy festival with Trein’s approval. She also walks back to NBC with Minette and Florine and when the firelotuses begin blooming and Rollo opens the trap door, Minette manages to used the last of her strength to pull Danica away from what she thinks is a death fall. Inadvertently seperating her from the rest of the NRC group.

Eventually though, Sidonie and Vidaria return to NBC with the other NRC students and drag an unconscious Danica out into the courtyard. They try to heal her but the rampant firelotuses prevents them from being successful until the Bell of Solace is rung. Danica ends up making a full recovery and enjoys the rest of her time in the City of Flowers. Including dancing with Vidaria and Florine at the masquerade, trying on her mother’s old NBC uniform and buying a glass mobile for Vil. 

~~~

Farron is thrilled to be joining in on the social as he has always dreamed of visiting the City of Flowers because it’s considered a major hub for high fashion. He’s greatly looking forward to shopping not just for clothes but also for materials for future projects. When he finds out from Trein that other schools will be attending as well, Farron secretly begins to hope that if RSA is included, Andrew will be there as well. In the days leading up to their departure, Farron spends a lot of time with his clubmates watching old films with the City of Flowers as a backdrop. Out of all the NRC students, Farron is definitely the most excited about this next to Malleus. 

And he absolutely LOVES his masquerade outfit which, by a strange coincidence, marches Sidonie’s masquerade dress perfectly. Not that he minds though. Considering he’s usually the one working to provide fabulous fashion for his friends, he doesn’t mind at all being given his outfit. 

Sadly, Andrew is not included in the RSA envoy for the social. Farron is saddened by this but after a few hours exploring the city, he’s determined that the next time he visits, Andrew will be by his side. Farron buys a lucky charm for him and several little figurines for his older sister. He also manages to sneak off to one of the artsy districts and buys a few bolts of fabric and some beautiful lace. 

During the crisis with the firelotuses, Farron ops to help Professor Trein and Yuulan destroy the flowers in the city. At one point the flowers nearly strangle Grim and Farron manages to rescue him. Once the crisis has passed, he sleeps for a little while and wakes up a few hours before the masquerade to make a few alterations to everyone’s outfits as some of the got ripped and torn while dealing with the firelotuses. But he fully enjoys the ball with Yuulan and Sidonie being his most frequent dance partners

~~~

When Sidonie finds out she’s been selected for the social, she’s not too thrilled since she was looking forward to the NRC ball, hoping Trey would ask her to go. But when she finds out Danica is also going, she quickly changes tune. She feels partially responsible for her dorm transfer and feels as though she’s failed her. She’s also somewhat jealous of the fact that Vidaria has taken over the role of Danica’s mentor. She wants Danica to return to Pomefiore and the day before the NRC students depart for the City of Flowers, Sidonie visits Diasomnia and she and Vidaria actually form a truce. Even if they dislike each other, they both mutually care about Danica and through Vidaria’s intervention, Danica  and Sidonie are able to mend fences with the latter promising to protect her better in the future. 

From the start however, Sidonie and Rollo do NOT get along. While looking at the statue of the Righteous Judge, Trein likens him to other figures who aren’t as revered as the Great Seven but still remarkable. Like the Rose Witch. Rollo responds that he actually thinks the Rose Witch was far from admirable because she used her shape shifting magic to deceive the prince and rather than just cursing him, she cursed all of the prince’s retainers as well. (I mean…) Needless to say, Rollo immediately winds up on Sidonie’s shitlist with those remarks. 

But beyond that, she enjoys exploring the city and buys a bell shaped amulet for Trey. During the Topsy Turvy festival when they’re all dancing, Danica catches everyone’s attention with her graceful movements and one of the performers brings her up on the stage with them. Rollo clearly disapproves of this and makes another remark about a witch who used her dancing to bewitch people and ran afoul of the Righteous Judge. He compares Danica to this witch and it really angers Sidonie. But instead of telling him to shut up, she decides to use her magic to cause a burst of rose petals to fall upon Danica as she’s dancing. This adds onto the chain reaction and the other NRC (and RSA) students also begin performing little bursts of magic to add some excitement to the festival. Furthering Rollo’s disapproval. 

It goes without saying, Sidonie was not surprised at all when Rollo showed his true colors. She joins the group of NRC students going after Rollo and greatly looks forward to beating his ass. But when they return to the school's hall, she finds Danica unconscious on the floor. Vidaria helps her drag Danica outside, hoping that some fresh air and healing potion will revive her. But nothing works until the Bell of Solace is rung. 

Until then, Sidonie and Vidaria team up to destroy as many firelotuses as they can before they also succumb to their malevolence. Though Sidonie will never admit it out loud, she begins to develop a reluctant admiration for her. During the masquerade the next night, they actually have friendly conversation and make many secret jokes at Rollo’s expense. At one point, they watch Danica dancing with Florine and Rollo once again compares her to the witch who tried to bewitch the Righteous Judge. Sidonie and Vidaria scoff at him with the latter asking Rollo ``Did she really bewitch him, or was the Righteous Judge not so righteous after all?” This remark fully earns her Sidonie’s respect.

~~~

Vidaria has visited the City of Flowers once for a equestrian tournament but she didn’t have much chance to really explore the city or do anything outside of the tournament. So she’s was excited to attend the arcade academy social from the start. When Malleus proposes that the NRC students invited perform a traditional song during the social, Vidaria and Danica decide they want to add onto the song by performing a traditional dance as ballet originated in the City of Flowers. In the weeks leading up to is, Danica teaches Vidaria more about ballet and they become closer friends. 

However, when they arrive at NBC, Vidaira immediately feels suspicious of Rollo. She notices the way he looks at Malleus and having experienced fae racisim herself in the past, she gets an unsettling feeling that his intentions might not be fully amiable. But she forces her suspicions to the back of her mind since she knows she has a tendency to be paranoid. She manages to forget her suspicions for a while as she enjoys exploring the city with her friends. At one point, Sebek approaches her and Danica asking what kind of souvenir Taima would appreciate. He swears he just wants to give her something because he’s grown to respect her but the girls secretly snicker about this for the rest of the day. 

Unfortunately, Vidaria’s suspicious about Rollo prove to be correct later that evening when the firelotuses begin to bloom. Being a fae, Vidaria is not as affected by the firelotuses as her companions but it’s still a terrifying experience for her. She initially chooses returning to NBC with her classmates to deal with Rollo but changes her mind when she finds Danica unconscious with her RSA friends. She and Sidonie drag her into the courtyard and team up in destroying the firelotuses for as long as they can. 

When the crisis passes, Vidaria and Sidonie are able to successfully revive Danica and come for a level of understanding they haven’t had since the beginning of their freshman year. At the masquerade, Vidaria and Danica perform together and later the dances with Silver, much to her delight. 

[oliviarose06]

Reincarnate Chapter One: Digging Up Regrets

It wasn't her fault. He wanted to help. He wanted to do it. Those were all things Taralynne had been told since Ricky's death. When the Reincarnates took over, everything fell apart. They took the forms of those they killed, according to everyone. Tara had no reason to worry about their origin, not until now. A lot of people, including Tara and her family, fled to this mansion Tara's grandfather owned since it was so big. Enough room for everyone that had fled there, a few people just had to share rooms. Thankfully, Ricky and Tara got their own room, until the Reincarnates got him. Now he's gone, and Tara is left to blame herself.

"Tara?" Her mother said, knocking on her bedroom door, "Can I come in?"

"Now's not the time, mom." Tara said with a roll of her eyes.

Susan, Tara's mother, always hated Ricky. Susan was an awful woman, who always tried to tell Tara 'Get over it!' and 'You're better off without him' when Tara says she misses him. Lately, though, Susan has been stooping to a new low; trying to set Tara up with a new man, just weeks after Ricky's drained corpse was found in the forest.

"Come on, Tara, just give Michael a chance, you'll realize you don't need Ricky with him around." Susan said, disregarding the sobbing coming from Tara's bedroom.

"Mom, I said not now! Go away!!" She shouted, and after a few seconds, her mother just came in and shut the door.

"Are you going mope around forever, Tara? He's gone, get over it and move on." Susan said bitterly.

"Yeah, I'll bet you're happy he's gone and I'm suffering because of it, aren't you, mom?" Tara sits up and sniffles.

"Oh, you know I'm not enjoying you mope around about a man that never deserved you to begin with, darling. I just want to get you out of this funk and back out there!" Susan said defensively.

"And you're only making it worse! Do me a favor and leave me alone!"

"Tara, I'm just-"

"Mom, LEAVE ME ALONE!" Tara shouted and slammed her head back down on her pillows.

After a few seconds, and with a huff, Susan left and slammed the door shut behind her. Taralynne was done waiting around for her life to get back on track. No amount of therapy or talking through her feelings could get the image of Ricky's lifeless, pale, and cold corpse out of her head. She wanted to see him alive and breathing one last time- she had to.

------------------------------------

Later that night, Tara was pacing around her bedroom and wondering to herself... Was this a good idea? Sure, it was probably a death with, but seeing him one last time, telling him she loved him and she missed him, it was better to her than no closure at all and being miserable until she either dies or is killed by a Reincarnate or a looter.

"Fuck it." She said to herself. She grabbed her cloak, threw it on, grabbed her lantern and lit it, then grabbed her shovel and walked over to the window while looking at the clock. 3:15 am.

Ricky was buried in the cemetery, where all the others that have died in the initial Reincarnate uprising were buried. All she had to do was get passed the guards patrolling the area and she could walk down the path to the cemetery.

She opened the window and set the lantern on the windowsill, then tossed the shovel out onto the dirt and climbed out. Tara then grabbed the lantern, closed the window, and began walking to the old path to the cemetery.

As she walked, she saw the guard was at the gates, dead asleep. His snores were enough to attract Reincarnates from all over the place, being they were so loud Tara swore she heard the gates rattling.

"Fucking useless." She whispered with a scoff and snuck right past him and out the mansion gates. With a sigh, she began walking down the foggy path and towards where she knew the cemetery was.

The woods were always foggy at night, and it made Taralynne uneasy when she looked out her bedroom window, but now that she was walking through it herself it was so much worse. The forest seemed to be alive, breathing and whispering around her, but she ignored the growing dread in her gut and pressed on. After a few minutes, she finally reached the entrance to the cemetery and stopped to take a deep breath. Not long now, Taralynne. She thought to herself, It'll all be over soon, one way or another.

She walked into the cemetery into the cemetery and looked at all the headstones, reading the names of people she once knew and was close to.

Vinny Mauro. Justin Morrow. Joshua Balz. Christopher Cerulli... Richard Olson. That was it, this was where he was. She froze when she read it and gently set her lantern down before dropping to her knees. It felt all too real, seeing a headstone with his name on it, a dark reminder that he was gone and away from her. She missed him, wanted him back, so that's why she was here. She stood up, wiped her tears, and started digging. All she could do while she dug was cry, sob and occasionally stop to whimper and silently beg something would go her way tonight. It took what felt like hours of digging and throwing dirt over her shoulder to hit something...and she froze again to process that fact that she may have very well hit his coffin. After a few seconds of thinking, Taralynne threw her shovel out of the grave and dropped to her knees again on the wooden box to start throwing dirt to the side. While she was mindlessly and frantically throwing dirt aside, she felt a painful snag and tear on her hand. "Ow, fuck!" She whispered, seeing she'd been cut by broken glass, which took a few seconds to register to her.

Broken glass. That means the window that was on Ricky's coffin was broken, and after moving the dirt away from that area with her uninjured hand...her fears were confirmed. The glass was broken, and Ricky was gone.

"What the..."

Taralynne didn't get to fully process when she the back of her cloak get grabbed and she was yanked out of the grave like a small child throwing a small plastic doll. She flew through the air before crashing onto the ground and rolling, slamming her back into a tree. It took her a few seconds to get her vision back, but when she did, she saw a figure standing over her. Once she was able, and began backing away fearfully, "Ricky...Ricky no." She whispered as she looked at him.

He looked nothing like the Ricky she knew. His skin was pale, the skin around his hauntingly blue eyes was black and his long black hair was a rats nest. The dress shirt he was wearing looked a little wrinkled and torn and his pants were covered in dirt. He was a Reincarnate now...her worst fears were becoming realities. He stalked after her as she tried to scoot away from him and he only laughed.

"What is it, little one? Afraid of me? It's me, Tara. Don't be afraid." He said, almost taunting her.

"No, no you're not him. You're not Ricky." She said as she used a tree to stand up despite the pain in her back.

"Come on~. You know me, look me in the eye and say that again, babydoll."

His eyes started glowing blue as he was speaking, and it was captivating Taralynne, making her want to do exactly what he was telling her to.

"I...you..." But she managed to resist, and looked away, "No, you're not him! My Ricky is dead."

"Then what are you doing here?" He asked, tilting his head and smirking smugly at her as he stalked towards her, "Came to bid your little boyfriend goodbye? It's too late for that, Taralynne. He's long gone, you want him back?"

She started sobbing against the tree. He was just taunting her. Using her love for Ricky to make her fearful and miserable. It was what Reincarnates were known for. They had taken one girl from the mansion using her biggest points of sadness and suffering against her, Taralynne couldn't be the next. "No..."

"No?" Ricky scoffed, "Oh, yes you do, Tara-doll."

She tensed at the nickname. Tara-doll was a name only Ricky used for her when he was alive, the fact that this Reincarnate Ricky remembered was frightening, to say the least. not wasting another second, she tried to start running, and Ricky quickly gave chase. She had to get away. The pain in her back was making it unbearable, but she was only thinking about surviving now.

She didn't get very far before Ricky tackles her to the ground. She screams and struggles, but it was all useless. He was much stronger now. This wasn't the playfighting they used to do, where Ricky would let her win- this was life or death. Ricky was able to easily overpower her and pin her arms down, then she saw his head dart down to her neck and felt a pain she'd never felt before. Tara screamed as loud as she could, but soon felt lightheaded and began to lose consciousness.

"Soon, Tara-doll." Was the last thing she heard before she fell into a deep sleep.

----------------------------

"Taralynne! Taralynne!"

She was being shaken awake by her older sister, Vicky, the next morning. She groaned and held her forehead as she sat up in her bedroom, in her pajamas and everything.

"Ugh, finally! I thought you were dead!" Vicky rolled her eyes, "Hurry up and get up, the chefs are making breakfast."

"Uh, yeah, right. I'll be right down." She said. Her ears were ringing with a migraine, she really didn't feel like hearing Vicky drone on and on right now.

"Hurry up." Vicky said as she left the room.

How am I alive? Tara thought. She'd been killed by Ricky, right. He bit her and drained her, didn't he? She got up out of bed and as soon as she was on her feet, the world began spinning and she was falling to the floor, holding her head in one hand and her trembling body weight with the other. What had he done to her? She felt awful! Tara got up and walked to the bathroom, pulling her shirt to the side, and revealing an infected looking bite mark. The puncture wounds were swollen and red and bruised, and the veins around the area the bite rested in looked black and grey, any color but blue. He had bitten her, but how was she not dead? He should've just killed her off right then and there, right? Unless...

"No," She said to herself, "No, not the alternative. There has to be a third option."

She was only telling herself that because she didn't want to believe he had infected her with something, she knew that. She knew all too well that she was a goner now. Soon, Tara-doll. The words echoed in her mind on repeat. What did he mean? She would be dead soon? She would also be a Reincarnate soon? Does this bite mean he's somehow laid a claim to her? What did any of this mean? Taralynne's mind was running a million miles a minute and she didn't know what to do, what to think, who to even tell, if anyone. Who could she tell about this? Everyone she could trust is dead now- Chris, Josh, Vinny, everyone in her old friend group was gone now, she truly had no one she could open up to about this that wouldn't go blabbing to anyone else. She only had herself right now, and she knew she was going to have to deal with that for the time being.

"Tara! Let's go!" Susan yelled from downstairs.

"Okay! Let me get dressed!" She called down to her mother.

Tara dressed herself into a turtleneck sweater and skinny jeans before heading downstairs where everyone else was already eating. She sat down at the very end of the table and looked down at the empty plate. She wasn't hungry, she felt awful, but if she didn't at least show her face people would catch onto the fact that something was wrong and find out she'd snuck to the cemetery the night prior. She had to keep appearances.

"Hey Tara." Someone said flirtatiously.

"Fuck~." She groaned, "Not now, Michael."

"Why not? Can't I talk to a pretty girl?" Michael tried flirting with her as he always did, "It's about time you got over that damn dead boyfriend of yours."

Those words really hurt Taralynne, and she sighed, "Don't say that. If you want a chance with me at all, you'll leave me alone and never mention Ricky again, understand?"

Michael scoffed, "Oh please, you and I both know you'll stay single forever if I don't woo you."

"Then maybe that's what I want. You should learn that no means no before I take these butter knives and one for each eye." She says, grabbing two butter knives off of the table.

"Jeez, okay." Michael rolls his eyes, "I'm just saying. Maybe give a charmer like me a chance, and I can make you forget all about-"

"Don't fucking say it, Michael." She said, loud enough to catch the attention of those at the table.

Embarrassed and rejected, Michael huffed and stood up, walking back to where he was sitting previously next to Susan while everyone's eyes darted between him and Taralynne. She didn't care though, oddly and unlike usual, she seemed glad people were looking, so he felt embarrassed. Maybe he'd back off at least a little bit.

-------------------------------

12:00 that afternoon

Taralynne was with Susan in the gardens picking flowers for the inside of the mansion. The smell of death outside can only seep inside for so long before people began loosing their minds, after all.

"You should stop rejecting, Michael, Taralynne. He's a good match for you." Susan said dryly, picking pink roses.

"I won't, mom. I won't stop rejecting him, nor will I ever be with him." Tara said, feeling oddly drawn to the red roses and kneeling down in front of them.

"And why not?"

"Because my heart was buried with the man who owned it." Tara said as she started picking the red roses. She was oddly feeling a lot more agitated by her mother's behavior than she normally would be- she'd been more agitated with everyone in the mansion than she normally would be. She didn't know why, but she figured Ricky's bite had something to do with it.

"Taralynne, grow up and get over the fact that Ricky is dead. No amount of moping is going to bring him back, and you need to move on." Susan said coldly, clearly no regard for Taralynne's feelings in the slightest.

"No, you need to grow up and accept that I'll never love another man like I loved him, and get over the fact that I'm never going to just date another man because I'm single now." Tara snapped.

"Taralynne Michelle, you will move on or I will make you!"

"Make me then!" She shouted, standing up and grabbing the garden sheers and pointing them at Susan, "Try and make me, and see how well it works out for you!"

Susan was stunned silent. Taralynne had never been violent like this, or done anything to suggest she was capable violence in any way shape or form, so seeing her daughter act this way was such a shock to Susan she ran away and back into the mansion. Tara felt oddly...satisfied that her mother had run away like that. It meant she was in charge for a moment, and that felt good. With a satisfied sigh, Tara went back to picking roses and smelling them as she put them in the basket.

Whatever Ricky's bite had done to her, she was hating it. The migraines, throwing up, dizzy spells, and she knew this was only the beginning. She knew there was more to come. Soon she'd understand what Ricky meant when he said...

Soon Tara-doll...

[depressed-sock]

Strays and the Hands that Feed Them  by depressed-sock Part Two ( 8316 words ) Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars - All Media Types Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox & Darth Maul, Coruscant Guard Clone Troopers & Darth Maul

Bad Things Happen Bingo: Bloodstained Clothes/Armor

Hi holy fuck this turned out longer than expected lol. So for this prompt, I ended up throwing in a reference to it throughout this chapter. So lots of blood-stained clothes and armor mixed in between what kind of sorta a plot

tag warning: lots of murder and implied murder, implied sexual assault (Nothing is shown but there is a part with Thire that starts to head in that direction but is swiftly put to a stop I'd suggest if you don't want to see it to start skipping at "So all Thire and the rest of the Guard can do is make do with what they’ve got." and end "It’s hard to forget a name that fits so perfectly.")

...

It’s later than Fox would like when he finally makes it back to his office. He’s exhausted and tired and wondering how the hell any of this happened in the first place. A senator murdered in their own office shouldn’t be possible during the high traffic hours of the Senate but it’s happened. And whoever did it left the room practically painted in the senator’s dark blue blood.

Fox can’t even say he’s exactly upset by the death itself. It had been one of the problem senators on Fox’s long ‘Only for Qualified Officers’ blacklist. It also happened to be one of the few he actually put a bounty on through a few different shell identities.

So if he really wanted to not deal with the paperwork and investigation involved in this he could just write it off as an enthusiastic bounty hunter. It’s a tempting idea. The only problem is that Fox had specifically requested he wanted this senator alive.

Which means he has an actual security threat he needs to worry about. So instead of the easy route, he has to figure this out before some other fucking senator gets murdered. Or worse, one of Fox’s Guard gets murdered. (Even though it wouldn’t legally be considered murder because fucking clones aren’t legally sentient according to most of the Senate.) So now he’s just fucking pissed off and tired.

To make it worse he had plans for this particular asshole. They had been a kriffing shiny killer in the worst way. Maiming them and making them useless so that they’d get sent back to be decommissioned. There’s only one shiny left standing after having an encounter with them and the only reason Mouse has survived is because Fox has hidden her deep in the Coruscant barracks.

Mouse who had always been soft-spoken and kind. Mouse who loves the little droids that help clean up around the base and Senate. Mouse who continues to refuse any sort of eye prosthetic because she’s terrified of what might happen if she’s able to see again.

Fox won’t lie. He prefers to keep his hands out of most of the situations he orchestrates but this time the loss of shinies and Mouse’s fear had just pissed him off enough that he wanted to get his hands dirty. He had been planing to take his time with this particular senator, wanted to take the fuckers eyes and make him fucking beg for death. Wanted to make sure Mouse knew with absolute certainty the fucker was dead by Corrie hands.

It’s not his usual approach. It is, however, one that’s reserved usually for the real sick fuckers. He could have just as easily set it up to completely ruin the senator’s career but this one had hit too close and it had pissed off not just Fox but the entirety of the Guard. He’d just been waiting for a bounty hunter to take the listing so that there were at least a few steps in between before someone tried to point any accusations at the Guard.

Now that’s not possible.

And if Fox ever finds out this senator was murdered because a bounty hunter decided to bring him in dead rather than alive Fox is going to be pissed. He might even hunt the fucker down for taking Fox’s kill. Considering the body had been left behind though, Fox doubts it was someone trying to cash in the bounty. It looked more like something akin to revenge. Long and drawn out. Painful in the worst ways.

At least he can take solace in that.

He sighs as he sets his helmet down on his desk. Rubbing a hand down his face and steadily ignoring the fact that there’s another presence in his office that is distinctly not a clone. If he doesn’t look up he doesn’t have to acknowledge it. He can just pretend for a second that he can just sit down, get some of his flimsiwork done, and hopefully after that get maybe an hour of sleep.

There’s a chuckle from the direction of his office couch. Like the bastard knows exactly what Fox is thinking.

He looks up to glare at the figure sitting on his couch. Maul’s lips tug up into a feral grin, black tunic opened far enough that Fox can see the swaths of still-wet dark blue blood on the red of his skin. Enough blood that Fox is absolutely certain that it’s soaked into Maul’s clothes. Blood that Maul smears onto Fox’s couch as he leans back, legs spread out and looking all too pleased with himself.

Fox doesn’t know what pisses him off more. The fact that this asshole killed the senator and made more work for Fox, the fact this bastard took his kill, or the fact that the ingrate is getting evidence all over Fox’s good couch. Fucker could have had the decency to wash up and burn his fucking clothes. It’s going to take hours to get those stains out.

“You know I expected you to just fuck off and die somewhere far away from me.” Fox crosses his arms and leans back onto his desk. Ignoring the flimsi and datapads that fall off as he does it. Not like he’s getting any of that shit done with Maul here anyway.

“Where would I get my fun if I did that little Fox? After all, you put so much work into piecing me back together that I thought I should get you a gift.” Maul licks the tip of his fingers and all Fox can think about is how Shivers is going to have so much fun giving this fucker a health inspection later.

Oh, Maul doesn’t realize that he’s getting one yet. He’ll only realize his mistake later. Right now though, he thinks he’s safe but Fox is absolutely certain that he got the Thire and Shivers special when he wasn’t looking and now has a tracker implanted somewhere underneath his skin.

Thire does it to keep track of his enemies. (Fox is not aware if he succeeded with Palpatine and can not confirm or deny any knowledge about any kind of tracker that may or may not be on the old raisin.) Shivers does it so they can track down the rest of their patients who are all known Medbay jumpers.

As far as Fox knows, he personally only has the ones hidden in his armor. He refuses to find out if either of them snuck one under his skin. Mostly for his own sanity, but also because he knows a lot of the troopers who come back from reconditioning are just that paranoid and need something to soothe that part of their brains now.

“You got me a fuck-ton of paperwork is what you got me you asshole. Next time don’t leave a fucking murder scene, hide the body somewhere I won’t find it, and take a fucking shower.” Fox crinkles his nose, “In fact go take one right now and stop ruining my couch.”

“I figured you’d be angrier.” Maul just tilts his head and leans forward, “Considering I took your revenge from you. I remember in great detail what you wanted to do to them.”

Ah, this is drunk Fox’s fault. You fucking idiot, Fox thinks to himself as he glares at Maul.

“You obviously have no problem taking revenge for me,” Fox emphasizes that specifically. Because that kill was definitely done out of revenge and it had to be for the Clones if it was Maul doing it. He’d have no other reason to do it. Fox rolls his eyes and adds, “Considering they’re now dead and no longer my problem I don’t really care.” He cares a little. Not as much as he did because it at least means there’s not some strange murderer running around that might take out the Guard.

Just the crazy stray Thorn picked up that’s murdered someone Fox wanted to murder. Yeah, Fox isn’t sure how exactly that became the better option but here it is.

“There was a bounty put out on them. I assumed you’d like them dead long before they were taken somewhere else,” Maul states it like he expects Fox not to have known that. Which just makes him wonder how much of an idiot Maul thinks he is. But Maul has a look in his eyes like he knows exactly what Fox is going to say next.

Fox adds some poison to his mental shields and hopes it kills Maul slowly.

“I put the bounty on them, di’kut.” Even if he didn’t he would know because Fox knows exactly who in the Senate all have bounties on them for security reasons. Amidala has already surpassed Palpatine by at least ten different bounties with only two duplicates from the same person but placed in different systems. Surprisingly Binks is winning in how much his head is worth to someone on some backwater planet.

Fox has money on it being a shell identity and that it’s a senator who wants him dead. All he knows for sure is that it’s not Palpatine because he would have just had Fox kill the Gungan. Even if he did Fox might have found a way to get out of that assassination attempt because he definitely doesn’t want to test whatever fucking God likes the clumsy thing. With Fox’s luck the Gungan would trip and someone elses gun would suddenly go off and put a bolt through Fox’s head by complete accident.

“You are very clever aren’t you.” Maul’s eyes light up in that sickly familiar yellow and Fox just shakes his head in exasperation.

“Why are you here Maul?” Fox sighs in resignation. Because there has to be something more to all of this.

“Consider this a forward payment. Both for future information,” he licks his lips, eyes still bright before he continues, “and for the help I need. I’m quite familiar with the intricacies of Coruscant but… my brothers are not.” His eyes narrow, “I know I’m not your first… stray,” he sneers the word, “I’m sure you have had others you’ve had to teach. I want you to teach my brothers how to survive here and in exchange, a few of your problems will disappear.”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

Maul raises an eyebrow ridge. “I can take care of your enemies while you stay in the shadows like you wish to.”

“I can very obviously handle that by myself thank you.” He can. It’s not the first time he’s made a Senator disappear, both under his own will and because Palpatine demanded it of him. It doesn’t matter that those ones had cared about clones. That they’d been fighting for Fox’s and his brother’s rights. They’d been a danger to his Guard because Palpatine was a danger to his Guard.

There’s no place in this galaxy for him to regret protecting his people.

“Besides,” Fox continues, “If you’re just going to leave behind a fucking murder scene then I don’t want your help. You’ll just give us more kriffing work and we don’t need that.”

Maul snorts, “That was because I wanted your attention. You haven’t noticed the other missing senators yet, have you?”

Fox narrows his eyes. Shit, what did he miss? “Who?”

“You’ll find out,” Maul bares his teeth in a facsimile of a grin.

Fox is going to have to look into this. Figure out which senators Maul has taken out of the picture and what kind of headache just got dropped into his lap. He hopes Maul has some sense of self-preservation and hasn’t gone after Palpatine’s closest ‘advisors’.

“Get out and let me think about it.”

“Of course,” Maul stands, walking past and leaving a bloody handprint where he grips Fox’s shoulder. “I’ve left a comn you can use to contact me. Just don’t wait too long little Fox, or I might get too bored to stick around.”

Fox kind of hopes he does get bored, just so that Maul will leave. Then at least Fox could go back to the status quo.

…

Stone sees the stray before it sees him. Which is a surprise considering the force user should sense that Stone’s walking up from behind it. He doesn’t grab it, he’s not that stupid, but he does start to walk beside it down the street. It glances at him from behind its hood, yellow eyes piercing but they have an edge of daze about them that Stone has seen in his brothers before.

It’s the tired soft edge of a long shift. The tell that they're about a few minutes from either passing out. Not a great state to actually talk to a person in but Stone doesn’t have the time to wait for the stary to take a nap.

He tilts his head towards an empty building and they both quietly slip inside. The stray taking position with eyes on the doorway as it leans back against the wall arms crossed. Expectantly waiting for whatever Stone has to say.

“You’ve been going after senators.” Stone knows this to be true despite Fox keeping the information to himself. Hard for Stone not to know what’s been going on because Stone’s watched the footage of the stray slipping in and out of the Senate. He’s also edited it to make the stray a near-ghost in the system. No evidence left behind for anyone else to find.

The stray is quietly watching him. Studying him like he’s done before in Isolation One. Searching for something about Stone even as Stone readjusts his shields. He loses more and more of his own presence to protect his mind. He’s become good at that, becoming just another thing among thousands. Too hard for a single force user to pinpoint.

“Is there something you desire from me, Stone?” Maul lets his words come out in a lazy drawl, studying his claw with an idle unhurried glance.

“Our blacklist has more than just Senator’s on it.”

“Oh does it now?” The stray purrs with interest but doesn’t move from its position. Just tilts his head and narrows its eyes.

“Has Fox taken you up on your offer?”

The stray tilts its head further to the side, “He told you? No,” it grins, “No, he didn’t.” Then it barks out a laugh. “You all are so strange in very different ways, aren’t you? What has your master done to change you? Or were you always like this? Drawn together by circumstance and chance?”

Stone gives it a flat look, “I’ve always been like this.”

“Maybe.” The stray gives a faint nod of acknowledgment, “Maybe you’ve become something more. You’re all quite talented in shielding it makes one wonder what else you might be talented in.”

Stone scrunches his nose making a face of distaste not liking anywhere that sentence would lead. “Do you want the list or not?”

“You seem fairly confident that I’ll do something with it.”

“Because you already are?” Stone says in a confused tone. This is why Fox doesn’t like him near the Senate he can’t play their games when the answer is already obvious. He doesn’t get why anyone wouldn’t just say what they mean. “I also added some things on Skywalker and Kenobi.”

“You’re giving me Fox’s blackmail so that I’ll kill more people for you.” The stray steps up to Stone so that their both chest to chest. Stone’s seen the action before done by others, it’s an action that’s supposed to be intimidating but considering Stone has seen the stray curse out a terrible book series and keep reading it, it doesn’t really work. “I should have expected something more when you said you didn’t care about what the senators do to you. You’re the one to watch out for, aren’t you? The others speak their threats to anyone who will listen and you remain silent in the background. Watching and gathering what you can before you strike.”

“First of all, it’s my blackmail, Fox has his own. He’s got access to information I don’t so you can still have your deal with him.” Stone states, before shaking his head. “Secondly, I get information others can’t get but I don’t act on it. I said before that I can’t afford to do that. I’m not Fox.” He doesn’t want to be Fox either. Fox looks like he’s always ten seconds from dropping dead and Stone doesn’t want that kind of stress in his short life. It’s why Thorn then Thire are next in line for Fox’s position.

And if they all go, then that means something’s gone wrong and Stone won’t be far behind them anyway.

“Here.” Stone hands over the data stick, shoving it into the stray’s hand. It’s the stray’s choice if it does anything with data. What Stone doesn’t say is that he also added everything Fox gathered on Palpatine. All the information, all the data that proves without a doubt that Palpatine is working both sides of the war. It’s Everything that Fox had conveniently forgotten about after the one time he confronted Palpatine.

Stone had originally thought that had been a mistake on Fox’s part. Maybe it still is. But at least this way someone else besides Stone has the information on Palpatine. If Stone has read Maul right, he knows that the information will be used in the best possible way.

Stone had read somewhere that revenge is best served cold.

He hopes Maul can make Palpatine freeze over in terror as his plans crumble into dust around him.

…

There’s a body on the Guard’s doorstep. Dropped right in front of the barracks without a care in the world. Fox for the first time since he’s stepped foot on Coruscant hasn’t been more thankful than now for the barracks to be out of sight of most of the general population. Because that means he can contain the situation and hide any evidence he needs to hide.

There’s only one unaccounted-for factor and it’s the natborn aide that likes to come around and help some of the Guard paint their nails and teach them how to use other cosmetics. They also conveniently happen to bring several crates of whatever packaged food they can get that day. Today was some sort of sweet bread that Fox knows has already gone into several different betting piles.

When the aide first sees the body they pause, stare at it before recognition hits them, then they laugh and tell Fox to keep up the good work before they carry on like they didn’t just step over a senator’s corpse. Fox tries to remember if the aide counts as his stray or Thorn’s and after a moment blames it fully on Thorn, based fully on the fact that Thorn’s strays are all a bit more unhinged than Fox’s.

Fox looks down at the body. The body that is still seeping fresh blood, its clothes slowly growing more and more stained. Fox can only sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose as a headache starts to build.

He’ll get this cleaned up, and then he’ll start looking into any other missing senators.

…

It takes several days to realize who is missing. Who, because apparently it’s not just senators that Maul is targeting now. The first that Fox finds gone is a near-human male Senator who liked to corner Fox’s troopers into rooms by themselves often enough that Fox had finally put his foot down and made sure only he would ever be available for the disgusting bastard. The second is a Rodian woman who worked in Corsec who liked to commit friendly fire on clones and with a personality that makes Sly Moore look nice and pleasant.

Which maybe doesn’t say as much as Fox would like, considering he tolerates Moore more than most. Oh, she’s just as much of a bastard as he is without a doubt but she’s also never touched a single one of his troops or him. Sure she’s done some mind fuckery but she’s a darksider as far as he can tell so that’s expected. It’s tame compared to some of the other assholes Fox has to put up with.

What might be the most concerning part about these people missing is that no one else realizes that they’re gone. Or at least they haven’t realized it yet. It’ll be at least a week before someone does take a second look and notices that they’re not where they said they were going. The only reason Fox knows is because he was looking for it but the Senate Guard and Corsec really should have realized that these people are very much gone from under their noses.

Fox is just glad that none of it can be blamed on the Guard. In fact, it’ll look as if they had a run-in with pirates when they had traveled back to their homeworlds. Since both of them supposedly disappeared on unregistered trips out of Coruscant. Even though Fox knows he saw them recently in the Senate.

It’s good work. Done quietly and without the fanfare of Maul’s other very public murders.

This whole situation makes him think. Mostly about Maul’s offer. It makes Fox wonder if it has to extend to the Senate or if Maul would be willing to go after other targets.

Because there’s one that’s been on the top of his list for the last month after Fox had saved a Vod from decom and hidden them away in one of his safehouses. The 534th Commander had, according to the file, become defective and unable to carry out his duty. An understatement considering the shape Fox had found him in.

Fox thinks this one was one of his most horrifying recuses yet. The Guard has never had someone they know come through on a recon or decom order from the GAR. There’s always one or two every once in a while but never a batchmate or friend. So when this one ended up being Thorn’s missing batchmate who Thorn had thought cut off contact with him... Well, it had been heartbreaking to watch Thorn try to interact with his Vod who barely responded to outside stimuli.

It’d taken hours to get any kind of answers from him. It turns out all of the 534th are terrified of contacting anyone out of their battalion. Afraid to make an already bad situation worse. The poor Vod looks like he’s gone through several years of guarding the Senate’s worst. Haunted and broken in ways only the Guard really understands.

Fox fiddles with the comn unit in his hand. Studies it carefully.

He could figure out a way to deal with Krell eventually. It would be more difficult than a senator who he could easily find blackmail on but it would be doable. The only problem is that Fox doesn’t think the vode in that battalion have the time to spare for Fox to get said blackmail. Not when the situation has begun to rapidly deteriorate according to Jackal.

Fox fidgets, grip tightening on the comn unit before he puts it down on his desk. He starts on his next round of flimsiwork, ignoring the device. He barely lasts a few minutes before he picks it up again. Then with a sigh he gives in with a simple press of a button and Maul appears on the holo. Maul who grins at him with sharp teeth and a look of pure satisfaction.

Fox narrows his eyes as he thinks about how he’s already regretting this. But this is something he actually needs help with and if Maul wants to prove his worth this is the best way. Besides Maul might not be able to go up against Palpatine but surely he’d be able to take out Krell. And as a bonus, it’ll hopefully take him off Coruscant long enough for any investigations to blow over. “How would you feel about taking out a Jedi?”

…

Thorn feels like this is some kind of cosmic payback. It has to be because there are currently two Zabrak sitting in the Guard Commander’s combined office and he’s the only one currently here to deal with them. Because Fox is meeting a contact with Slick and Thire is on Senate duty and Stone is sleeping for the next two hours. And there are two Zabrak now staring at Thorn expectantly in their shades of orange-yellow with black markings that Thorn doesn’t want to think about.

Thorn thinks the worst part is that these two might just be the consequences of his own actions.

He figured that Maul would have just fucked off permanently. Found somewhere much better to be than here in the shithole that is Coruscant. Thorn really wouldn’t have blamed the Zabrak for that! It’s not like the Guard could have just kept him in the Isolation one forever. Eventually, someone would have come sniffing around.

Besides what the fuck were they supposed to do with him? Thorn knows he might be a little bit of a hypocrite for thinking that considering it was originally his plan to keep and use Maul. But to be fair! That doesn’t mean he actually knew what to do with him. At least, they got some extra protection for their minds. That was one good thing about that whole situation. After that though, they had ended up floundering with what else they could get out of Maul.

So Fox got the Zabrak a pair of cybernetic legs and let him fuck off to who knows where. Figuring that Maul would find a way to remove the force suppressor on his own and far away from the Guard. You know, just in case Fox’s theory about Maul kind of losing his mind because of something to do with Palpatine and the dark side of the force turned out to be true.

It’s why Fox never offered to fully remove it. Anf Thorn fully agrees with that decision. He does not want to deal with more of bitey Maul than he’s already dealt with. His vambrace still has puncture marks he hasn’t had time to fix.

Anyway… So Maul left and now there are two Zabrak sitting in Thorn’s shared office and they’re staring at him.

“Hello?” He says weakly confused as he stares right back at them from behind the protection of his helmet. Maybe these two, very obviously related to Maul, Zabrak aren’t actually related to him. Maybe Thorn’s finally hitting Fox’s level of sleep deprivation where he starts seeing hallucinations.

Maybe the big fucker who’s standing up and towering over Thorn won’t fucking snap him in half and suck out his insides.

Or maybe he will and Thorn can finally fucking sleep for more than a few hours at a time.

Maker, he should piss off one of those senators who like to send them to isolation. He could use a fucking break.

“Our brother sends his regards, “ the big one narrows his eyes. “He said you will teach us the ways of Coruscant.”

Oh, fuck that bastard. “Sorry, I don’t know your brother. We only take in stray tookas here, not failed darkers.” Thorn might not be able to talk about Sith lords but the old raisin didn’t think about all the other words to describe himself and others like him. Honestly, big mistake on that asshole’s part.

The smaller more normal-sized Zabrak steps up beside his brother, placing a hand on the big fuckers arm and giving a weak smile to Thorn, “He said that the Fox approved it because Maul promised to deal with Krell?”

Oh, that fucking bastard. Fox hadn’t even told Thorn he was planning something for Krell soon. It doesn’t exactly surprise him, considering Fox just stopped Thorn’s batchmate from getting decommissioned like a month ago and Jackal’s a fucking mess. His hands still shake and his eyes look so very dead, like Krell had taken away some important part of him. Jackal had wanted to go to Kamino and it took everything Thorn had to pull him back to just to convince him to stay here for at least Thorn’s sake.

He fucking hates that it came to that. Hates that Jackal will never be the same. The only good thing that came out of the situation was Nexus and Malware who Fox had found trying to hack into Kamino and Guard systems trying to save their commanding officer from his fate.

Malware had gone back to Krell’s battalion but Nexus had stayed. They haven’t left Jackal’s side for a single instance and Thorn isn’t going to complain about it. Especially considering Nexus is another point to anchor Jackal back to himself.

Now Thorn is stuck here instead of by his batchmate's side. Because his batchmate got sent to the Squad Stray safehouse where everyone’s a criminal even if they’re not yet. At least Jackal doesn’t ever have to worry about a natborn being a commanding officer ever again. The twin Twi’leks who are definitely not Thorn’s kids but who are also very much Thorn’s kids are also helping with that readjustment.

“He also did mention that you were all possibly insane.” The tall Zabrak glowers in a way that reminds Thorn so much of Maul. Kinda makes that tired unhinged part of his brain want to squash the Zabrak’s cheeks together.

Also fucking pot meet kettle Maul you fucking hypocrite.

“Right ok,” Thorn takes off his helmet specifically so he can pinch the bridge of his nose. “Let's start with names. I’m Thorn and you are...”

“Savage,'“ The tall one growls.

“Feral.” The nice one smiles weakly.

Ok, Thorn can work with this. He can definitely do this. He will also, while doing this, will make a plan to get Fox back for this whole situation. There had been plenty of time to warn him about this Fox, you motherfucker.

…

Thire has been reconditioned twice in his life. The first time was shortly after an escort mission for General Yoda. After that one, he’d had trouble remembering names for months. He still does, though it tends to be natborns whose names don’t really stick around in his head anymore. It’s easier to give them numbers. Senator Blacklist #1, Whitelist #12, Corsec #30, and so on and so forth.

The only reason General Yoda’s name stuck is because Rys and Jek like to talk about that mission, like to reminisce even if Thire can barely remember a few minutes of what happened. It also helps that General Yoda asks after them all, checks in, and makes sure they’re all okay. He still does it even when Thire lies to his face about being fine and knowing exactly who General Yoda is.

The second time Thire was reconditioned was right before he was promoted to Commander. He doesn’t remember the reason for it. He thinks it was Enemy #1 who ordered it, thinks that it wasn’t really a punishment for Thire but for one of the other Commanders he’s close to.

There is one thing that he does know for certain about that second reconditioning. That whoever he was before he can never really be that person again. Mostly because after that one something went wrong with Thire’s head that was worse than forgetting names.

Thire knows he wasn’t always this paranoid or angry before it happened. Knows it in the pitying looks he gets from the others when he starts muttering to himself just before he starts stockpiling supplies in some hidden corner of the base. Knows it in the way Fox promoted him immediately after Thire came back from Kamino and started talking back at the Senators when he couldn’t wrangle his anger in.

Knows that Fox did that so that Thire could never be reconditioned again and come back somehow worse than what’s already happened. Or be decommissioned for that matter, but that was less of a threat nowadays even for the newly added shinies. Nowadays they just send them somewhere else and make them blend in because only a few people actually check if a trooper has been decommissioned. And even if they get one of those fuckers who like to make sure a trooper is dead they have enough dead bodies in the basement that it’s easy enough to switch numbers if they need to.

So there’s really no need to worry anymore.

Now Thire’s anger and paranoia are just a quirk he can’t be punished for. It doesn’t matter that Thire has access to a tracking system that tells him exactly where every Guard is at all times. It doesn’t matter when Thire inevitably snaps and beats the shit out of the first GAR to dare bad mouth Fox in 79’s on Thire’s off days. It doesn’t matter that on the really bad days Thire can only trust Fox and the other commanders and that on the worse days Thire shoves himself into a corner with his stockpiled supplies where no one will ever find him.

None of it matters because Fox has made it as safe as he can. And even then there will always be things that hurt the Guard because nothing about their situation will ever change for the better.

The Enemies might not be able to force Thire to be different. But there are still rules he knows he has to follow because no matter how safe you think you are, you really aren’t. Not here, where no one but your fellow Guard will try to save you.

There are plenty of ways to die here on Coruscant. An angry senator with too much strength, shot in the lower levels, taken by slavers, trampled in a riot. Plenty of other ways to also have the will to live slowly sucked out of your soul too. Just standing long enough in the Senate’s halls is usually enough to do that.

So all Thire and the rest of the Guard can do is make do with what they’ve got.

Like right now.

Watchlist #15 is on Fox’s list because she’s been slowly getting braver. Touches here and there on trooper’s armor, comments that leave even seasoned troopers shuddering in fear of what’s going to come when the teasing finally stops. She’s been getting braver and Thire knows with absolute certainty that this is the week she’s going to take it too far. It’s not paranoia if it’s the truth.

It’s why he’s put himself on the Guard schedule to be around her. If there’s going to be a fall out he’s not going to let a shiny take that hit. Thire himself has never had it happen to himself either but he knows he’ll handle it better than a shiny would. The others try to protect him just as much but inevitably they all experience some version of this bullshit.

He thinks mostly, that they just don’t want him to finally snap and go on a murder spree with Shivers. What they don’t know is that he and Shivers have a plan and it involves explosives and everyone in the Guard being off planet when that happens. They’re still working out the logistics of how to get the Guard off Coruscant, they’ve debated telling one of Fox’s batchmates so that maybe the Vod can help steal a cruiser from one of the battalions. But Thire doesn’t trust them to keep their mouths shut.

So the plan is a work in progress. Something better to focus on than Watchlist #15. Who hasn’t noticed that Thire has been ignoring her the entire time she’s been talking at him. It’s only when she looks up and down the hall and notices no one else that she orders him to her office. He follows behind. Perfect posture, perfect stride. Nothing out of place, nothing to critique.

A part of him just wants to put a bolt through her head and not deal with any of this. It would be so easy too. None of these bastards ever expect the Guard to defend themselves. And if Thire makes the murder look messy enough he might even be able to get away with claiming it was the same murderer who got Senator Blacklist #3 just a couple of weeks ago.

He steps into her office when she opens the door and waves him through with a smile and a glint in her eyes. She closes the door behind herself then she locks it and is quiet as she passes him, fingers dragging along his shoulder. She hums in satisfaction as she leans back against her desk, studying him.

“Take off your armor.”

He tries not to think as he does it. Just focuses on the clips and straps as he drops the pieces to the ground in a semi-orderly pile. When he steps out of his boots he returns to a parade rest. Still in his blacks because she only said his armor and Thire hates her too much to give her more than an inch.

She frowns at him, anger sparking in her eyes but she can’t hold his attention. Not as he stares straight past her shoulder and into the shadows just behind her.

She sighs before pushing off her desk, “You meat droids really do only follow orders to the letter don’t you?” She grips his chin and tries to force him to look her in the eyes. He refuses too, but also he can’t when there’s something so much better to look at. The shadow just behind her is as familiar to Thire as any of his brother’s faces.

Because Thire is paranoid. Because Thire keeps an eye on not just his brothers but also his enemies.

Just as the senator opens her mouth, about to demand something more, Enemy #2 slides up behind her, grabs her by her hair, and slices a line across her neck. Thire stares as blood hits his face. Stares as it drips down his face and soaks into the collar of his blacks.

It’s only now that he meets her eyes and watches the panic that hits her. She tries to claw back at the hand holding, tries to tell Thire to help her. Save her. But all that comes out is a dying gurgle. The light in her eyes dims as blood pours down her throat, soaks into the white of her clothes turning it a sick facsimile of the Coruscant Guard colors.

Thire watches her die, watches Enemy #2 drop her body to the floor, watches and watches and watches. Enemy #2 cleans the blade on his black tunic and eyes Thire as if expecting some kind of reaction from him.

Thire looks him in the eyes. Thire says nothing as he grins back at Maul.

It’s hard to forget a name that fits so perfectly.

…

“Where is your brother by the way?” Thire asks as he leads his two new additions down one of the matenice tunnels out of the Guard’s offices and to the streets of Coruscant where these two will be much less obvious.

“He said something about slitting throats before he ran off and left us here.” Savage growls ducking under a pipe and scowling when the edge of his horns still catches it with a soft clang.

Thorn stops to look back at them. Feral gives him an awkward smile and Thorn curses in his head as he mutters to himself, “I’m going to have to look into that later. Fuck.”

…

Fox comes to himself as he’s walking down some empty alleyway in the lower levels of Coruscant. He sighs, heavy and tired as he takes in the aches and pains that come from over-exertion. A sign that whatever he was doing before had to have been more complicated than what Palptine usually uses him for nowadays.

Because Palpatine doesn’t give him blackout missions anymore unless he wants it to be messy. The old bastard figured out pretty quickly that Fox would do anything for his brothers but has a tendency to put his victims out of their own misery with a quick death. CC-1010 however has no qualms with torture when Palpatine orders it.

He doesn’t look down at his armor. Doesn’t take stock of his status. Fox knows there’s going to be blood. The question is whether it’s his own, someone else’s, or some sick mix of both.

He opens up his messages checking through to quickly take stock of what emergencies might have happened while he’s been out of it. Nothing major, a few red alerts but they're all from the GAR emergency system. There is a single message from an unknown contact that catches his eye.

It’s done.

He stares at the message. Then he glares at it and the red alerts that keep popping up on his feed. He’s got a suddenly bad feeling about this.

Before he can think too hard about it a comn comes through from Thorn.

Fox answers it with a quick, “I’m back from a blackout.” Because, unlike some other people, he knows protocol.

“Shit, I was wondering why you haven’t been answering for the last few hours. I’ll tell Shivers to be ready for you.”

“Thanks,” Fox breathes out and closes his eyes, ignoring the sudden headache pounding behind his eyes, “What did you need Thorn?”

Thorn hesitates a second before he says, “Thought you’d like to know that our Stray made headlines today.”

“Please tell me he didn’t do what I think he did.” Fox feels like hitting his head against the nearby wall. Should have specified he wanted Krell taken out quietly, should have fucking specified quietly. Maybe if he hits his head at the right angle and just hard enough he’ll just never wake up from this nightmare.

“I have never seen anyone so fucking dramatic before Fox. It was verging on the edge of hysterically funny when he claimed he was going to cleanse the Jedi of their tainted roots since apparently they can’t do that themselves just before he beheaded Krell.”

“I kriffing hate this man,” Fox groans, “I thought he would quietly assassinate him not make a fucking production.”

Thorn laughs. “You thought the guy who left a senator’s office covered in their own blood would be subtle?"

“He did fine with all the other murders he committed.” Fox rolls his eyes even though Thorn can’t see him. Thorn’s right, of course, Fox doesn’t know why he expected anything different.

“Wait… what other murders?”

Oh, That’s what Fox has been forgetting to do. He’ll need to catch the other commanders up on what’s going on. Even though Fox knows Stone has figured it out and with the way Thire has been claiming the Maul is now his stray Fox can guarantee Thire knows something. Probably helped with that something too.

“Exactly,” Fox says because if Thorn never figured it out that means no Natborn would. Thorn’s smarter than any of Corsec or the Senate Guard combined but Stone and Thire are just on a whole level of crazy that no one else can keep up.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Thorn asks with confusion rather than any kind of hurt.

“Honestly forgot but you might want to keep the plausible deniability considering Maul’s gone public with the fact that he’s alive.” Fox takes a step towards the end of the alley before he stumbles and realizes maybe he should sit down for a little. “I’m pretty sure Thire’s already involved with one of Maul’s murders so we probably don’t need anyone else getting in the middle of all of this.”

He slides down the wall, right hand automatically covering his left side. He hadn’t realized how dizzy he was until just this moment.

“Oh, is that why Thire has actually been using Maul’s name?”

“If I had to guess, yeah.” Fox breathes in through his mouth and out through his nose. He lifts his hand up. Dark red blood drips down through the cracks of his gauntlet. “Thorn, I need a pickup.”

“Fuck, Fox where-”

He doesn’t hear the rest as he slides fully down the wall and into darkness.

…

Thire has a hand on Maul’s bicep as he drags him into the barracks, all while ignoring the worried looks everyone is giving him. He’d found the Zabrak while out on patrol looking dazed and not fully there. Dissociation. Shivers had to look up that one after the first couple of times they found Fox like that.

So Thire is doing something he’s never done before. He’s shoving down his paranoia and helping the fucker who helped him. Mostly by dragging the bastard into one of the vode’s cuddle piles.

It’ll be fine because it’s Thire that’s dragging him into the room. It’ll be fine because Thire’s paranoia rivals Fox’s and therefore would never do something to put any of his brothers in danger.

There are already several groups set up. Hound passed out between his two shinies plus Mouse who is curled up in his arms lying directly on top of him with Grizzer lying on their legs. Mouse must have had another panic attack. Thire winces in sympathy but moves on to his target.

Fox is in Thorn’s arms, head tucked and hidden from view, with new bruises running down his back and a bandage wrapped around his stomach. Thire knows that Fox has had a blackout mission recently. He also knows how long it takes for Fox to come back from that. He doesn’t know what Enemy #1 does to Fox but even after an assassination blackout Fox comes back with a worse headspace then he left with.

It makes Thire want to do something stupid. Makes him want to stab the old bastard in the throat until he can’t speak ever again. He breathes. Forces himself to swallow down his anger. Not the time. Not yet.

He turns back to look at Maul whose gaze is a bit steadier. Then Thire points to where Thorn and Fox are, “Get in the fucking cuddle pile.” Instead of waiting for a reply and because Thire doesn’t want an argument he shoves the Zabrak down and ignores the yelps that come from Thorn and Fox when the Zabrak lands on them.

So far so good, Thire thinks to himself with a proud little smile.

…

Maul has never liked being touched. Touch was usually a precursor to pain because it taught and it punished and it made Maul stronger. But he hates it. It’s no different in this situation, even though not a single clone here is trying to harm him.

Just the barest brush of skin against his makes him want to flay off the part of him that burns and crawls. He could escape this, the angry clone clearly left him with an escape route. Worse comes to worse he could just as easily fling them all away with a wave of his hand.

He doesn’t. Instead, he allows the angry clone to cling to him, head nuzzled just under Maul’s jaw. It shouldn’t mean anything. He shouldn’t even care. But the angry one’s mind is an open book and he feels safe around Maul. To him Maul is safety and he’s not the only clone in this blasted pile of bodies that feels this way.

It makes him want to scoff, to deny everything, and burn their trust to the ground. Make them regret ever finding Maul, ever helping him.

Then Fox slips an arm over Maul’s side and pulls him flush to the clone’s chest. It burns in the worst way possible. A feeling that can’t ever be soothed by time or recovery. It makes Maul seeth in anger.

He doesn’t move. Doesn’t attempt to escape. Instead, he tries to relish in the hate he feels. Only to find the feeling slipping away. Turning into something more akin to awe.

This is an intimacy he has never felt before, and one he’s absolutely certain the clones don’t share except with a select few outsiders. Even then, he’s certain that only he has been pulled into the heart and safety of the Guard’s home like this. It brings forth a feeling that he can’t name or describe.

He swallows the lump in his throat and pretends he doesn’t pull the angry one closer like he can protect the clone from whatever wishes to hurt him.

Maul remembers his lessons. He could never forget them with the way they’ve been seared into his head by Sidious’s teaching methods. His instincts tell him that he should use these clones for all they’re worth and then discard them. That it is the way of the dark side not to trust even your allies. To use those around you to gain more power then discard the pawns that have become useless.

But in those lessons, he also remembers the rants and mockings of his old master about the Jedi and their code. One thing in particular draws Maul’s mind as he falls deeper into the calm the clones surround him with. The Jedi claim that attachments will lead to the dark side. It makes him wonder why his old Master has no such attachments. Why he doesn’t attempt to grasp that supposed strength.

Maul licks his dry lips and thinks as his fingers move through the angry clone’s hair. Claws just barely scrapping the clone’s scalp. He could be stronger than Sidious. Could be more powerful then any Sith before him.

He has all these attachments he could take. All of them within reach and spread throughout Coruscant as they work. Alive and breathing and hurting. He can use that.

Use this anger that bubbles up from somewhere deeper than his own hatred.

He will become more powerful than Sidious and all it will take is falling deeper into the dark side for these clones.

[number1villainstan]

Alright Katsukame headcannons, here we go (this is gonna be scattered and all over the place because I don’t have any of these written down, this is just what I can remember)

He takes in dogs from fighting rings that have been injured and thrown out, because their owner was a dick to the dog in front of Rikiya, or because they were a dick to Rikiya and he wants to steal the dog to teach them a lesson (and give the dog a good home)

Most of the time he ends up Rehabilitating the dogs and finding them new homes, though he has a few he thinks are too fragile, disabled or traumatised to go else where that he begged Overhaul to let him keep (they have to sleep outside in their own little shed and they’re not allowed in the same room as kai, even then, he’s only allowed to keep them because Kai has somewhat of a soft spot for rikiya)

Because of this he also has a lot of experience in training dogs, because before he realised it’s basically impossible to get a job in Japan if you have/had Yakuza ties, or have been in it, he wanted to be a professional dog trainer and took a ton of courses to learn everything.

Despite all that, his favourite animals are actually foxes and silver back gorillas.

The reasoning for the gorillas is because kids in school used to make fun of him and call him one, so he decided to basically give them a giant ‘fuck you’, researched gorillas a ton, and now they’re one of his favourites and being called one is more of a compliment than anything. That was his one single act of rebellion agains the other kids. The foxes is because he thinks they look like really pretty dogs (and also because he’s not about to fuck around with a Kitsune and be cursed for a thousand years)

Leading on from that last bit, he’s a little bit superstitious. Not hugely, but if something looks incredibly obviously cursed or mythical, he’s not gonna touch it with a 10 foot pole. He knows that the random creaks or rustles at 3am are probably just animals outside, or Rappa doing some late night training, and the foot steps running up and down the halls on a floor that doesn’t exist in the compound, are just weird echos of Setsuno and Tabe being idiots in the middle of the night, but that dog he’s never seen before that’s been sat at the garden fence staring at him with eyes that look just a bit too human for a solid five minutes? There’s something up with that.

He’s partially mute, only ever saying one or two words at a time when he does speak. He carries around a notebook and pen to communicate a lot of the time. He also knows sign language, but out of the Hassaikai, only Hari, Deidoro and Overhaul know it, overhaul and Chrono having learnt it because of him, so it’s not the best form of communication because if one of those three aren’t around to translate, it’s basically useless. (Tengai is trying to learn but he’s blind in one eye and needs contacts for the other so it’s..not a good combination) (that’s another thing. I have a MASSIVE stockpile on Tengai stuff so lmk if you want those too)

Not a lot of people expect it but he can be surprisingly gentle and sensitive if he chooses to be. On the rare occasions he interacted with Eri, he’d let her sit on his back where Mimic usually does and would carry her around like that. He liked being with her because she wouldn’t question anything, like why he never took his mask off, why he didn’t speak, why he rarely interacted with anyone but Kai, Mimic and Hari. He just didn’t and the reasoning didn’t matter.

He really loves small things, which might be why him and mimic work together so often. He likes tiny things he can hold in one Hand, he likes feeling like he’s protecting something. Probably another reason he and Eri got on.

Despite the last hc, he doesn’t like mimic all that much. Well. He does…just until he starts talking. He’s always on edge when Mimic talks because he doesn’t know when/if he’s going to blow up and start yelling, it’s worse when he’s in his human form though. At that point, he’ll just leave the room. He doesn’t need that kind of stress.

No one is actually quite sure what’s going on with his mask. As far as Kai and Hari are aware, he’s not taken it off around anyone else since he got it his early teens. Kai appreciates the commitment, but is a bit concerned it isn’t washed. Hari wants to know why he never took it off.

He hated being in pictures when he was younger- and still does- (*cough cough* autism *cough*) so he’d hide his face whenever someone tried to take a picture of him, as a result, no one really remembers what he looks like under it, as all baby photos there were of him were ‘accidentally’ lost in a move.

Setsuno started a theory he’s like the Pokémon Mimikyu: he’s so horrific looking under the mask, that if anyone sees it they die instantly. Though, He’s not come up with a reason as to why overhaul and Chrono are still alive yet.

Him and Rappa have a weird relationship, they’re either best friends or trying to kill each other and there’s no middle ground. The best friend end of the spectrum usually consists of them training together, playing with Rikiya’s dogs, tormenting Tengai and overhaul, and the trying to kill each other..well..that’s about it. No one quite knows what triggers the switches in their attitudes towards each other, potentially just their general mood that day, and Tengai isn’t sure What he finds more annoying, being tormented or trying to get them to stop tormenting each other.

I think that’s all I have for now, but I’ll let you know if I think of/remember anything else.

I LOVE ALL OF THESE HEADCANONS. (Yeah, Kai really doesn't like dogs.)

Also send me the Tengai headcanons too...and anyone else who wants to dump Shie Hassaikai headcanons in my inbox. I absolutely will not mind.

[kobblefort]

Blackfaint: Origins 1

The Hill of Scars is wide, its western half already filled to the brim with settlements of all kinds - humans, kobolds, Stella elves, lapines and even dwarves. Its most fertile and welcoming lands have been snatched up long ago, and so anyone who wishes to strike out has only the barren eastern plains and dunes left to them. You can barely see it amidst all the outposts, fortresses, towns and cities and hamlets and villages, but the yellow square east of the Gulf of Mastery's inlet and just south of the river marks a new one; or at least, an attempt at one. Caring not how close they set out to either the humans' tower to the west or the kobold fort Ripekills to the east, a new outpost is established by a small group that broke off from their larger one.

From The Nightmare of Tunneling comes yet another little group of outcasts: The Seducer of Dimpling, settling the little patch of terrifying untamed wilds they will call Vrikrokoki: "Blackfaint."

As you might notice, we got started early. I had to hack the "Additional Races: Ratfolk" mod from the Steam Workshop myself to make them playable, and unfortunately, this for some reason means I can't set any nobles and administrators. I tried a few times, but it's no good - I think I fixed the problem, but I would need to generate a whole new world to fix it, and after all the time I've put into this one already we are not doing that. So we head straight in, where before anything else...

We're dealing with this aquifer as fast as possible, which for now will make the main stairway incredibly fucking dangerous. We'll be fixing it with a bunch of wooden grates, of course, but until then, better hope nobody gets too drunk. Even though all we brought to drink was dark elven vodka.

Our administrator, or caravan leader if my hack wasn't such a, well, hack, is Kirra Halllies. Though she's strong, she doesn't actually like getting into physical confrontations. She's humble, thoughtful, and more hopeful than your average rat. However, she's quick to form negative views about things, and finds the pursuit of art to be a waste - even though art and natural beauty often moves her.

It'ikik Ghoulscar, our woodcutter and carpenter, in addition to everything you see here: likes magnetite, platypus leather, the color scarlet, flails, shields, and amulets, and prefers to drink tomatillo wine. He also hates lizards.

K'keek Vicescourge is an awesome fucking name. I have incredibly high hopes for this anxious egoistic mess of a rat.

Kikeek Menacebreeds is another awesome name, and is something of a space case. She has less of a warlike view of the world than most ratfolk.

Eetekak Strikehate (how do these names keep getting better) doesn't take things personally, but that's for better and for worse.

Eeteek Seduceworked seems useless to me. Why would ratfolk farm?? Ratfolk pillage!!!

And last but possibly not least, Eeteek Terrorslip is a chronic oversharer who can't take care of herself and cracks under pressure. She's literally me. I'm actually worried about how similar she is to me. Well except me personally I always experience strong cravings or urges. The more I read of this panel the more upset I get because I don't want to get too attached here; this is a "Terrifying Untamed Wilds" biome we've settled in after all, and we're headed straight into the first cavern layer.

The first thing to dig out is a meeting area. We've got no livestock to worry about keeping alive, but we've got to work kind of quickly against the aquifer: the quick and dirty drain is already spilling over a bit.

It's a bit of a crap solution, and we'll have to make sure to fix it up properly so that it can drain off the map soon, but we don't even have beds or a place to drink vodka. On the plus side, the drain acts as a "mist generator" for a free and easy mood boost. Well, again, not free, I could totally end up fucking flooding the entire base, but who cares, we're fucking rodents. We're here for a bad time, not a long time. Our lifespans are already pitifully brief, there is no point to not just fucking around and doing whatever we want. Kobbles might fancy themselves to be silly creatures but they get so serious about rocks and dragons and shit. But this is rat world. You've entered the rat world. And here in the rat world we do things a little fucking differently heh heh you know "Fuck it!!!" That's basically the rat world motto, you just say "Fuck it!!!" three exclamation points of course - Just fucking kidding dude!!!!! You can use as many exclamation points as you fucking want in rat world!!!!!! I just owe it to you to keep it real with you man rat world is a little different, we do things a little different in rat world.

Rat world also kind of fucking sucks man I just gotta keep it real with you like there's barely anything to fucking eat in rat world, and we have to plant seeds and shit like chumps because well it kind of really just fucking sucks in rat world. Not a single tree on this entire 3x3 embark tile seems to be able to give fruit, it's the middle of summer and yeah nothing man, rats don't really get to have fruit here in rat world which kind of sucks.

We're planting cave tubers and quarry bushes like fucking assholes, LOL. Gotta do what you gotta do in rat world though.

A fucking bunch of dudes show up to rat world which is pretty tight because there's like no food and we all sleep on the ground., But thats' kind of how shit goes in rat world sometimes LOL I'm actually like super worried about how we're going to get food going on in rat world but maybe if we just head straight for the first cavern layer we'll be able to get some grub on without running into too many like fucked up little cavern dwellers or forgotten beasts.

It doesn't take long either which is fucking tight it's literally just 13 layers below our little "main chill zone" area. We'll need to wall off what we call a "chill area" for specifically non-tweak kinds of creatures (us) to get away if tweak kinds of creatures (forgotten beasts) start throwing the vibes off, possibly with like doors or some such shit.

Honestly rat world is kind of popping off right now, we've got like economic forces impacting shit and shit which is honestly like, tight. The food number got down to like 8 for a second but we popped it back up to ~30 which is awesome. Since we can't get a bookkeeper or whatever we'll never like, actually know for sure what kind of numbers are going on, unless getting whatever our version of a "mayor" is finally gives us back the Nobles & Administrators window, but yeah right now we're kind of just chilling hard with cavern access and shit.

The bedroom layout is going to be "A little different" lol as most things in rat world are - I figure the "windmill villas" is a bit complicated for rats really and how much space do they need, it's chill to just leave your shit whereever you like in rat world nobody cares, so you don't need a cabinet or a chest, basically just a door and a bed should be good enough. You can't go around expecting too much shit in rat world like you get what you get in rat world. The resting heart rate of a rat ranges from 250 to 400 beats per minute if you can fucking believe that. That's just how things go in rat world it's a fast-paced life you live you die. Ok. And more important than anything you gotta party in rat world, rat world is ALL ABOUT PARTYING.

The "tavern" is now called The Black Oats. There's still nowhere to stand but people finally started having mugs to drink out of. Even guys who "disdain merriment" have to do at least a little dancing in rat world. The two customary dances in The Nightmare of Tunneling are The Berry of Glossing and The Vermilion Flute.

I still don't know how to parse these, my brain just can't convert this into imagery, sorry.

Our carpenter decides to make a crutch called "Drenchedgear the Prairies of Insight" which is fine. Nothing too interesting about it and we don't really have a concept of "value" in rat world so it's no problem. Just a cool thing we have now I guess - Fuck it!!!!!

The somewhat phallic aquifer drain is safely completed. A miner got kind of wet in the process but it's fine. There's also floodgates at the south end with a lever attached just in case I want to drown out the entire first cavern layer or something later; idk you have to be ready for things.

THIS DUDE'S NAME IS SRAKEEK STOLENCACTI!!!!

I'm going to bed now

[deyadee]

What Am I Even Supposed to Do?

I was watching this YouTuber that I usually watch. I always assumed she was a few years older than me, only to find out in a video I was watching a bit ago that she’s actually only a year older than me. I just felt this pit in my chest that hit out of nowhere. In a year most people would expect me to be at that stage. She can drive on her own, lives on her own, is out of college, and has an actual fucking job. I have none of that. Sure I’ve had a job before, and I keep saying that I’ll get another- but I’m fucking lazy and never actually try. I’m just scared I’m gonna be miserable.

I haven’t gone to college because I didn’t know what I wanted to do and decided it was pointless to go to college just to go for nothing when nowadays a lot of jobs don’t require it or they expect fifteen years of experience on top of it.

I haven’t moved out both because I’ve never had the money but also I know… if I do go out and live on my own I’ll end it all in the first week. I look out on my life and think “Is this it? You work until you die and you have no friends and nothing to live for while the few people you do care about slowly drift away?” How are people even expected to start living on their own anymore when everything’s so fucking expensive? I know the day I get my own place I’ll maybe survive a day then I’ll blow my brains out. I can’t imagine living on my own. I’ll spiral and think of how I’m fucking useless and life is just fucking misery and I’ll end it. At least when I’m here I can imagine the horrified faces of my family if they found my body. In my own place it would take them at least a little bit before they found out. There’d be no one to stop me but myself. I know I’m a fucking pussy and I’ll stop myself cause I’m terrified of the pain, but I know one day I’ll finally do it. I’ll be fed up with hating myself and being lonely and end it all. I’m not scared of dying. I’ve just always been scared of the pain or if I fuck it up. I don’t know how long you live after you pull the trigger, but I can’t fathom the pain. It makes me physically sick.

Though if I keep staying here nothing will get better. I’ll be that fucking loser that’s wasting her life away in her parent’s house and can’t do fucking anything for herself. I already know I’ll die alone cause I’m fucking ugly, asexual/don’t want sex, boring, don’t do drugs, don’t drink, and have the mind of a fucking twelve-year-old- if I add on a fucking loser that lives with her parents and can’t drive then I KNOW I’LL FUCKING DIE ALONE.

Maybe some fucking fairy-tale movie scenario could happen where I just find the person girl who loves me and I can be her housewife or something- but that’ll never goddamn happen. If a girl wanted a housewife she’d want a pretty one who’d fuck her. She’d want anyone who isn’t me. So I know I’ll end up miserable in a marriage I don’t want to a dude where I just shut my mouth and get assaulted. Have kids that fucking hate me. Have them fuck up my body even worse. Until they and shithole husband leave me for someone not fucking fat and ugly and I shoot myself in a hotel room- no one to remember or care about me. Or maybe if I abandon everything that I enjoy or makes me happy I could- give up all my beliefs just to find some crazy bitch who’ll abuse me into her puppet until she kills me.

I’m horrified of driving because it doesn’t matter if you don’t make any mistakes and are the perfect driver that follows the rules- any fucking dickbag can plow into you at 100 mph and you suffer until you die. But they get out without a single scratch. Also I know I’d get distracted and crash or not stop at a stoplight or any million amount of things that could happen at any second.

I’m scared of the future pain- so I just want to end it before any of it starts. Besides, my time playing with toys in my room brought me back to my days playing board games by myself in the basement. Peak of happiness, with no one to bother me, and no fear that anything will hurt me or go wrong. Maybe I should take one last happy day and then end it all since it’s all downhill going forward.